There is alot to say and not enough words to describe. I have been through so much in the short 16 years that I have been alive. As an infant I was abused in every way possible... sexually, physically, emotionally... When I was 2 I was taken from my birth home along with 6 other children all half brothers or sisters. I have four older brothers an older sister and a younger brother... we all have the same mother but different fathers. My birth father was told by the court that he had 6 children and he said no I have four and then chose four out of six of us... leaving me and my brother Byron behind... I in-fact, was the only birth-child of his. My brother and I were placed into many foster homes after that all of which were abusive or had illegal dealings within their house hold. This continued to be the routine till I was 4 and I finally came to a family in Cabin John Maryland. My brother followed me here however he did not stay. In the end it was his mislead choice to leave but the choice was given to him after many episodes of brain-washing by our racist Social Worker. Who believed that African-American children should not be brought up by a white family. It was a long struggle between my parents and the court. Such a long struggle that I did not get adopted till I was 8 years old. I was adopted and separated from my brother, who did not get adopted, on March 3rd 2001. Three days before my 9th birthday. At the time my name also changed. I was once Natia Monique Woods Proctor and am now Alandra Nicole Schlosberg Moreira... I have gone from being spanish to being portuguese. Well abuse has very long aftermaths... after so many years of abuse I learned to take care of my-self at the age of 3. I had an Attachment disorder meaning that I would not allow myself to become attached to the people who are providing for me or anyone that hadn't 'proved' Him or herself trust-worthy in my eyes. I also developed servere depression and aggression. I did not know how to speak until I was 6 years old. I have gone to level 5 schools... (schools for 'special' children. Or children that need constant watch and therapy. I have been in the hospital many many times for violent outbursts and many runaways... I have a good relationship with neighboring police. However when I was 7 I learned about poetry in my english class at school and fell in love with it. Though I still had outburst this was what relieve me of most of my emotions. Through the years of therapy and care my love for poetry is the one thing that has never changed. I'm going to sip ahead now to the present. I still have many disadvantages from my past. I still do not trust people very easily. If I get the feeling someone who is in my life is trying to hurt me in any way, shape or form... through words or actions I will quickly make sure they have nothing to do with me anymore... a characteristic I hate about myself for I have lost many friends However if I am wrong about something I will not be afraid to admit and correct it. I do not show real emotion. If I become angry or down you will not know. I keep everything inside and pretend everything is okay until I can find paper and just write it out. I also tend to care about other people more than I do myself. I never stand up for myself when I should however if someone messes with someone else they answer to me. I think more of the world and the nations future than I do of my own future. I question everything. I do not like to be in large crowds because you cannot watch what everyone is doing. I can not sit with anyone behind me... because I cannot watch them.
Other Facts about me...
I have not seen my brother Byron since 2001.
I do not remember either of my birth parents.
My Uncle Thomas died in 2001. May he rest in eternal Peace.
My younger brother I met in 8th grade and have been very close to since.
ALL IN ALL
I have been though alot and though I may seem shaky by the words I describe myself as... I am one of the sweetest, grounded, and educated teenage girls you will meet.
My HEROES are my parents because when I am having trouble or need something I cannot get to, and I cannot do something myself, they always come through for me. Always.
To mom (Dr. Doreen Moreira) , daddy (Dr. Marc Schlosberg) and my entire loving family. Thank you to George Walker Moore, and my best friends Jennie Graff, Valorie Pratt, Anton Majewski, Michael Skalarski, and James Nicholson. Thank you to Dave and Joyce Ziegler, Ron, Judy and Erin Littlebury, Jen, Steve Hammond, Dan Silver and everyone else at S.C.A.R. Jasper Mountain Center who help me make the transition from who I was to who I am now.
Also thank you for reading my poetry.
And to close my own quote...
'Love everyone and hate no one. Know nothing and still be smart. Do what your heart tells you and not what you tell your heart. Don't live a lie it just breaks you down'
I am 16 now I go to military high school... I go to the Air Force high school.. Love it there, I am still writing, on my way to my pilots lisence, getting my scuba diving lisence, am currently a summer higher at US Coast Guard Headquarters, have 10 planned extra-circculors for next year... studying and join the CAP Civil Air Patrol group in Arlington. So I am busy but I like it that way. I am still in love with my ex-boyfriend George Walker Moore just as much as I was when we started going out... we broke up a month ago.
I have a foundation by which I live and it is what I live by. It is writtenon paper and hangs in my room and those are my personal commandments.
I am a solid practical, selfless, dependable, giving, original, outspoken and political person.
Don't ask me how I feel because it would be a burden you'd carry for the rest of your life to know of my pain. Don't trust my smiles, don't trust my laughs, but do trust my words, and do trust my actions... for if I say it I follow it.
Yea I think that pretty much covers it... and uh no this is not all of my poetry... I've written some 300 pieces I just have to get everything typed up and I have almost no time as it already is. Just search me on google maybe you'll find something you hadn't seen before. anyways i gots to go,
so enjoy, peace rest in your soul and Goddess Bless!
Alandra Nicole Moreira