Ambrose Bierce Quotes

Miss. A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Missis (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master.... If we must have them, let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to Mh.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914), U.S. author. The Devil's Dictionary (1881-1906).
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Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914), U.S. author. The Devil's Dictionary (1881-1906), repr. In Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, vol. 7 (1911).
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Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914), U.S. author. The Devil's Dictionary (1881-1906).
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Marriage. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914), U.S. author. The Devil's Dictionary (1881-1906), repr. In Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, vol. 7 (1911).
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POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice. As compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?), U.S. author. The Devil's Dictionary (1881-1906).
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Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914), U.S. author. The Devil's Dictionary (1881-1906).
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Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914), U.S. author. The Devil's Dictionary (1881-1906).
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Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914), U.S. author. The Devil's Dictionary (1881-1906).
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Historian. A broad-gauge gossip.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914), U.S. author. The Devil's Dictionary (1881-1906).
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Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914), U.S. author. The Devil's Dictionary (1881-1906).
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