12 Year Old Scotch(A Funny Story)
Santa walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch. The bartender thinks 'this guy doesn`t know the difference, ' so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.
Santa takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender: 'I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo! '
Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch. Santa takes a sip...same reaction. But the bartender still doesn`t believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch.
Again, same reaction from Santa. Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours a glass of 12-year-old scotch. Santa takes a sip and is most satisfied.... more »
3 Wishes(A Not So Funny Story)
Santa is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie.
It says, “I will give you three wishes.”
Santa thinks awhile. Finally he says, “I want a beer that never is empty.”
With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer.... more »
4 Letter Words(A Not So Funny Story)
Banta and Preeto got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, Preeto immediately called her mother.
Her mother asked, 'How was the honeymoon? '
'Oh, mama, ' she replied, 'the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic...'
Suddenly she burst out crying. 'But, mama, as soon as we returned Banta started using the most horrible language...things I`d never heard before!... more »
Alternate Sport(A Not So Funny Story)
Santa and Banta met at the club for their weekly golf game.
And for the third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play.
Banta: Well, Santa, what do you want to do now?
Santa: Badminton?... more »
America Vs Germany Vs India(A Funny Story)
In a ship the Generals of three nations were traveling with their soldiers. They started the topic that whose soldier had more of guts.
The American general called for one of his men and told him to jump down the ship and take a round swimming around the moving ship. The soldier did as he was commanded and the general boasted of by saying 'See the guts! '
Now the German general called out for one of his men and asked him to take two similar rounds. The soldier did as he was told.
When he came back from the water the German said, 'See the guts.'... more »
Annual Medical(A Funny Story)
Santa went for his annual physical check up. All of his tests came back with normal results.
His Dr. said, 'Santa, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God? '
Santa replied, 'God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he`s fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! the light goes on when I pee, and then poof! the light goes off when I`m done.'
'Wow, ' commented Dr., 'That`s incredible! '... more »
Another Beer(A Funny Story)
Santa comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells Jeeto, 'Get me a beer before it starts.'
His wife, Jeeto, and gets him a beer.
Fifteen minutes later, Banta says, 'Get me another beer before it starts.'
Jeeto looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him.... more »
Baker? (A Funny Story, This Story Is Only For Adults)
Santa and his wife lives in a small house in Chandigarh. One day Santa`s wife, Jeeto, asks Santa to fix a cupboard door, since one of the hinges was broken.
His reply was 'Do I look like a carpenter? I`m a Photographer, not a carpenter. Get a carpenter to fix the door'.
A few days later, Jeeto asks him to fix a dripping tap.
Again Santa replies 'Do I look like a plumber? I`m a photographer, not a plumber. Get a plumber to fix the tap'.... more »
Banging A Blacksmith! (A Funny Story)
An old blacksmith relized he was soon going to quit working so hard. So he picked out Santa to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting.
'Don`t ask me a lot of questions, ' he told Santa. 'Just do whatever I tell you to do.'
One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil.
'Get the hammer over there, ' he said. 'When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard.'... more »
Banta At The Shopping Mall! (A Funny Story)
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Bird Lover! (A Funny Story)
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Brave Santa! (A Funny Story)
There were three guys including Santa, talking in the pub. Two of them were talking about the amount of control they had over their wives, while Santa remained quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to Santa and says: 'Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife? '
Santa says: 'I`ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.'
The first two guys were amazed.... more »
Cab Driver! (A Funny Story)
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Caring Medicos! (A Funny Story)
Santa took his elderly father to a nursing home to check it out. He sat his father down on a sofa in the main aisleway and went to talk with the administrators.
Santa`s father started to tilt slowly toward the left.
A Doctor came by and said, 'Let me help you.'
The Doc piled several pillows on the left side of Santa`s father so he would stay upright. Santa`s father started to tilt slowly to the right. An orderly noticed and put several more pillows on his right side to keep him upright. Santa`s father started to lean forward when a nurse came by and piled several pillows in front of him. About this time, Santa returned. Santa, 'Well, Dad, isn`t this a nice place.'... more »
Cbi Recruitment(A Not So Funny Story)
The CBI is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. The first man comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him:
'Do you love your wife? '
'Yes I do, sir.'
'Do you love your country? '... more »
Chronic Disease! (A Not So Funny Story)
An army Major visiting the sick army men, went to one soldier and asked, 'What's your problem, Soldier? '
'Chronic syphilis, Sir.'
'What treatment are you getting? '
'Five minutes with the wire brush each day.'... more »
Complaints(A Funny Story, But Only For Adults, Parents Keep Your Child Away From This Story)
Banta was carrying two babies, one in each arm while waiting for a train. Along came this woman and seeing the two cute babies started asking the man, 'Aren`t they cute, what are their names? '
Banta, giving the lady an angry look, replied, 'I don`t know.'
The lady asked, 'Which is a boy and which is a girl? '
Banta looking angrier than before replied, 'I don`t know.'... more »
Dead Rabbit(A Funny Story)
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Dear Friend(A Not So Funny Story)
Banta and his friend are out in the country shooting rabbits. Suddenly, Banta`s friend falls right in front of him, throws a quick spasm, then lies perfectly still. He doesn`t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. In fact, he looks pretty well dead!
Quick, as a flash, horrified Banta whips out his mobile and calls for emergency. He gasps breathlessly to the operator... My friend just fell to the ground right here in front of me! He`s not breathing. He has no heartbeat! I think he is dead! What can I do? '
Well accustomed to this sort of situation, the emergency operator responds with her most soothing tone... 'Okay Sir, you must try to stay calm. If there`s anything that can be done, we`ll do it. But you will have to keep your cool, then we can take it one step at a time! Okay now?
'Sure! Sure! Of course, you`re right. I`m fine. Just tell me what must I do? '... more »
Delayed Monsoon(A Funny Story)
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Do You Know? (A Funny Story, Can Be Read 12 Onwards)
Santa, a small town prosecuting attorney, called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a grandmotherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Kapoor, do you know me? '
She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you Santa. I`ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you`ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you`re a rising big shot when you haven`t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
Santa was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Kapoor, do you know Banta, the defense attorney? '... more »
Efficient Secretary! (Funny Story)
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English Girl! (A Funny Story Only For Adults)
Banta`s wife, Preeto, goes to England to attend a two-week, company training session. Banta drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
Preeto answers, 'Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you? '
Banta laughs and says, 'An English girl! ! !
Preeto kept quiet and left.... more »
False Alarms(A Funny Story)
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he figured that the latest episode was just that, so he stayed put.
Suddenly, however, he filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure, he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
Banta was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. Banta started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently, in an attempt to free himself of the sheets. He ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.... more »
Fastest! (You Need A Big Brain To Figure Out What This Means Adults Only)
Banta had traveled into town after several weeks in the desert with his trusty camel. The camel had been his sole companion for years but eventually, time had slowed the poor beast down.
Banta was considering getting a new camel when he saw a sign outside of a store:
WE MAKE YOUR CAMELS TRAVEL FASTER. GUARANTEED OR YOUR MONEY BACK!... more »