• 001 - A Christmas Visitor

    Woke up this morning at four twenty four
    When I heard a loud banging on my front door.
    Who can that be at this ungodly hour?
    It's enough to make a Saint go sour.... more »

  • 001 - A Cure For Everything

    CAUTION: Reading this rhyme may give you a headache.

    I think I’ll take an Alka Seltzer to relieve my gut,
    Eating too much Mexican has put me in a rut.... more »

  • 001 - A Dream

    One night while sleeping in my chair
    I met a lass who wasn’t there.
    She bent and planted a big wet kiss
    Upon my lips, what utter bliss.... more »

  • 001 - A Non-Poem On Adages

    Most of the old adages that
    We fools are fond of repeating
    Are a bunch of hooey.
    For example:... more »

  • 001 - A Woman's Mind?

    Which is it harder to do
    A woman’s mind to understand
    Or to drag a whale across the sand?... more »

  • 001 - B. O.

    Beeeeee Ooooooo
    Beeeeee Ooooooo
    It sounds like a foghorn or a donkey braying.
    An ominous sound, if you know what I’m saying.... more »

  • 001 - Bob The Impaler

    This gob was known as BoB the Impaler
    The son of a New England whaler.
    He’d impaled many whales
    By their heads or their tails... more »

  • 001 - Girl Watching

    I was sitting in the park just biding my time
    Trying to think of a topic for my next rhyme.
    When this maiden strolled by,
    Man she really looked neat... more »

  • 001 - If Only I Hadn'T

    If only I hadn’t
    That’s the story of my life
    And the one thing that’s caused me so much strife.
    If only I’d been more nice and kind,... more »

  • 001 - Love Those Women

    I love ‘em big, I love ‘em small.
    I love ‘em any size at all,
    And I also love ‘em short or tall.
    It’s hard to choose for whom I fall.... more »

  • 001 - Nice Guy

    I was once a very nice guy
    And I was exceedingly shy.
    I always said I have to go and do a No.2
    When I had to go to the loo.... more »

  • 001 - Sea Stories

    I'm sitting here all alone tonight
    Trying to think of something to write.
    Possibly a fantasy, maybe the truth
    Or maybe a story that's quite uncouth.... more »

  • 001 - The Compromise

    This lady from DePaul
    Liked to go to the mall.
    ....She bought so much glop
    ....She’d shop til she dropt.... more »

  • 001 Light Beer

    There was a gal from Timbuktu
    Who got drunk every time she drank one brew.
    I said, I understand your plight
    So instead just drink a Miller Lite.... more »

  • 001 T & A's

    One day I was feeling squirrely
    And got to my workplace early
    Realized it was T.G.I. Friday
    The day we usually pay... more »

  • 001 The Bum

    Fiddle Dee, Dee, Fiddle Dee Dum
    Guess I turned out to be a bum.
    I wanted to see all the forty eight
    But the price of a ticket was just too great.... more »

  • 001 Witnessing

    There was a young Miss from Sanger
    Who was a bible-banger.
    She went door to door
    Prolselytizing the poor... more »

  • 001-The Jesus Spud

    Just sittin' around wonderin' what to munch
    When it again came time to make my lunch.
    Looked around, first couldn't find nothin',
    Thought to myself, there must be somethin'.... more »

  • 001-The Story Of Noah's Ark

    One day when Noah had nothing better to do
    He spent the day coveting his neighbor's ass and his wife's ass too.
    He said, 'I know very well that I won't by God be smitten
    As the Ten Commandments haven't even yet been written.'... more »

  • 001-The Zebra

    The zebra is a beautiful beast
    He has stripes that go from west to east.
    Or is it east to west? , I don’t know
    But I like the way they seem to flow.... more »

  • 001-Traveling Cat

    Pussy cat, pussy cat, why do you sing?
    ‘Cause I've been to London to visit the King.
    Pussy cat, pussy cat, what did you hence?
    I frightened a bulldog over the fence.... more »

  • 01 - A Little Talk

    I was loafing on the back porch
    Sipping on a cold beer
    When the words came wafting out
    Which I never liked to hear.... more »

  • 01 - Ditch That Diet

    Break out the bottle and pour me a glass,
    I don’t give a dad gum if it all goes to my ass
    For I am so hungry that I think I shall die,
    So buy me a Big Mac with a bag of french fry.... more »

  • 01 - Mood

    A useful word is ‘mood'
    Like a state of mind.
    Benny Goodman had a hit tune
    "In The Mood"... more »

  • 01 - Toad

    As I was walking down the road
    Upon the road I spied a toad
    Upon the toad I saw a load
    A load of grass that he'd just mowed.... more »