001 - A Christmas Visitor
Woke up this morning at four twenty four
When I heard a loud banging on my front door.
Who can that be at this ungodly hour?
It's enough to make a Saint go sour.... more »
001 - A Cure For Everything
CAUTION: Reading this rhyme may give you a headache.
I think I’ll take an Alka Seltzer to relieve my gut,
Eating too much Mexican has put me in a rut.... more »
001 - A Dream
One night while sleeping in my chair
I met a lass who wasn’t there.
She bent and planted a big wet kiss
Upon my lips, what utter bliss.... more »
001 - A Non-Poem On Adages
Most of the old adages that
We fools are fond of repeating
Are a bunch of hooey.
For example:... more »
001 - A Woman's Mind?
Which is it harder to do
A woman’s mind to understand
Or to drag a whale across the sand?... more »
001 - B. O.
It sounds like a foghorn or a donkey braying.
An ominous sound, if you know what I’m saying.... more »
001 - Bob The Impaler
This gob was known as BoB the Impaler
The son of a New England whaler.
He’d impaled many whales
By their heads or their tails... more »
001 - Girl Watching
I was sitting in the park just biding my time
Trying to think of a topic for my next rhyme.
When this maiden strolled by,
Man she really looked neat... more »
001 - If Only I Hadn'T
If only I hadn’t
That’s the story of my life
And the one thing that’s caused me so much strife.
If only I’d been more nice and kind,... more »
001 - Love Those Women
I love ‘em big, I love ‘em small.
I love ‘em any size at all,
And I also love ‘em short or tall.
It’s hard to choose for whom I fall.... more »
001 - Nice Guy
I was once a very nice guy
And I was exceedingly shy.
I always said I have to go and do a No.2
When I had to go to the loo.... more »
001 - Sea Stories
I'm sitting here all alone tonight
Trying to think of something to write.
Possibly a fantasy, maybe the truth
Or maybe a story that's quite uncouth.... more »
001 - The Compromise
This lady from DePaul
Liked to go to the mall.
....She bought so much glop
....She’d shop til she dropt.... more »
001 Light Beer
There was a gal from Timbuktu
Who got drunk every time she drank one brew.
I said, I understand your plight
So instead just drink a Miller Lite.... more »
001 T & A's
One day I was feeling squirrely
And got to my workplace early
Realized it was T.G.I. Friday
The day we usually pay... more »
001 The Bum
Fiddle Dee, Dee, Fiddle Dee Dum
Guess I turned out to be a bum.
I wanted to see all the forty eight
But the price of a ticket was just too great.... more »
There was a young Miss from Sanger
Who was a bible-banger.
She went door to door
Prolselytizing the poor... more »
001-The Jesus Spud
Just sittin' around wonderin' what to munch
When it again came time to make my lunch.
Looked around, first couldn't find nothin',
Thought to myself, there must be somethin'.... more »
001-The Story Of Noah's Ark
One day when Noah had nothing better to do
He spent the day coveting his neighbor's ass and his wife's ass too.
He said, 'I know very well that I won't by God be smitten
As the Ten Commandments haven't even yet been written.'... more »
The zebra is a beautiful beast
He has stripes that go from west to east.
Or is it east to west? , I don’t know
But I like the way they seem to flow.... more »
Pussy cat, pussy cat, why do you sing?
‘Cause I've been to London to visit the King.
Pussy cat, pussy cat, what did you hence?
I frightened a bulldog over the fence.... more »
01 - A Little Talk
I was loafing on the back porch
Sipping on a cold beer
When the words came wafting out
Which I never liked to hear.... more »
01 - Ditch That Diet
Break out the bottle and pour me a glass,
I don’t give a dad gum if it all goes to my ass
For I am so hungry that I think I shall die,
So buy me a Big Mac with a bag of french fry.... more »
01 - Mood
A useful word is ‘mood'
Like a state of mind.
Benny Goodman had a hit tune
"In The Mood"... more »
01 - Toad
As I was walking down the road
Upon the road I spied a toad
Upon the toad I saw a load
A load of grass that he'd just mowed.... more »