• Battle Song

    There's havoc on the staircase where the guests come streaming,
    Shirt-fronts shining and tiaras gleaming,... more »

  • I Had A Hippopotamus

    I had a Hippopotamus, I kept him in a shed
    And fed him upon vitamins and vegetable bread
    I made him my companion on many cheery walks
    And had his portrait done by a celebrity in chalk... more »

  • I Met A Lady In The Wood

    I met a lady in the wood.
    No mortal maid, I knew, was she;
    She was no thing of flesh and blood,
    No child of human ancestry.... more »

  • I Was A Bustlemaker Once, Girls

    When I was a lad of twenty and was working in High Street, Ken.,
    I made quite a pile in a very little while - I was a bustle maker then.
    Then there was work in plenty, and I was a thriving man
    But things have decayed in the bustle making trade, since the bustle making trade began.... more »

  • My Love Is Theosophist

    My love is a Theosophist
    And reads the Ramayana;
    Her luncheon is a pot of tea,
    Her breakfast a banana.... more »

  • The Diplomatic Platypus

    I had a duck-billed platypus when I was up at Trinity,
    With whom I soon discovered a remarkable affinity.
    He used to live in lodgings with myself and Arthur Purvis,
    And we all went up together for the Diplomatic Service.... more »

  • When I Was Young And Ignorant

    When I was young and ignorant I loved a Miss McDougall,
    Our days were spent in happiness, although our means were frugal;... more »