• Be Kind To Worms' Week

    Everybody get your feet off the ground
    Wherever on earth your feet are bound,
    For beneath you the worms are moving around.... more »

  • Booklice

    These creatures never need to read
    To be intimate with literature.

    Harmless enough in their way,... more »

  • Down At The Greasy Spoon Cafe

    There are those who dream their lives away
    Down at the Greasy Spoon Cafe
    Where the tea's like mud the spoon stands up in
    And the coffee leads to an early coffin.... more »

  • Fiend For A Friend: Al Cohol

    Al Cohol smiled so cheerily at me,
    A friend indeed he seemed to be.
    When he gave a peculiar sneer of contempt
    I wasn't the object, I was exempt,... more »

  • How I Welcome My Dose Of Secondhand Smoke

    How I welcome my dose of secondhand smoke,
    Especially from the bloke who thinks it's fine
    To smoke under a 'No Smoking' sign
    In a shop or a pub or even on a bus.... more »

  • I Fell In Love With A Couch Potato

    I fell in love with a couch potato
    But it didn't have eyes for me.
    I tried to talk about Marx and Plato
    But it was deaf to philosophy.... more »

  • Lady In The Chippie

    Pouting sweetly her rouge-red lips,
    Was this the face that lauched a million chips
    And cooked the cod for poor young William?... more »

  • Let Me Be In Your B-Movie

    Let me be in your B-movie
    If only as an extra,
    No role's too small for me.
    As a bit part player... more »

  • Talking To A Wall

    One day my living room wall
    Began to talk to me
    And, naturally enough,
    A reply was obligatory.... more »

  • The Curse Of The Mobile Phone

    Together with the proof you are never alone
    Fried brains come free with your mobile phone.
    Hear the pop of cells in your ear as you speak -
    Yes, you're on your way to becoming a freak... more »

  • The Privatisation Of Air

    As the Managing Director I take care
    Of the newly privatised realm of air.
    Though my salary is, some might deem,
    Just a little on the far side of extreme,... more »

  • The Reign Of The Duck

    They made a splash from the first
    As you might have guessed,
    Took off, as if to water,
    With their usual sort of zest,... more »