JK ( / Crawley)

018. A View Of Romeo And Juliet

I see the young lover boy
creeping through the trees
ignoring his friend’s calls
Romeo is his name

He sees the lady Juliet
her young bright face
as pale as the moon
suggests marriage and love

I hide in the oak church pews
spying on the scene
of Romeo and Juliet
it made me feel rather green

I follow Romeo in the dark
a quiet ghost in the depths
he sees the lady Juliet
and he like a child
weeps out loud
his tears form rivers in his cheek

Now they both lie dead
neither can be woke
the stars joined them together
the white and the yolk

by Jaden Knight

Comments (3)

Now they both lie dead neither can be woke the stars joined them together the white and the yolk .................................................i wonder why you were roundly criticised. couldn't be 'cause the poetry is poor. at least not this stanza! ! ! - - - - - - - the following is from a Wikipedia article about STAR-CROSSED: The phrase was coined in the prologue of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet: From forth the fatal loins of these two foes, A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life (5–6) .[2] It also refers to destiny and the inevitability of the two characters' paths crossing each other. It usually but not always refers to unlucky outcomes, since Romeo and Juliet's affair ended tragically. Further, it connotes that the lovers entered into their union without sufficient forethought or preparation; that the lovers may not have had adequate knowledge of each other or that they were not thinking rationally.[1] =========================== Now they both lie dead neither can be woke the stars joined them together the white and the yolk despite what anyone, including Daniel Brick, may think about the last stanza, i think it is GREAT! very summarizing and sort of funny/sad. thanks, Profanisaurus, for sharing your skills with us. bri :) p.s. i just KNEW you, like me, are a born voyeur!
I almost feel glad that three people criticized this poem because I had some misgivings the first time I read it, but I was uncertain of why I felt an undercurrent in the poem of (perhaps) satire of the young lovers. I'm still not sure it's there, but I remember a friend telling me Shakespeare WAS satirizing the foolishness of young lovers. That, however, is wiped off the stage by Juliet's sudden maturity in the later scene. She is so eloquent. But I digress. My opening statement was going to be THIS IS A REMARKABLE POEM. And I stand by it. I thinl you did a fine job paralleling the drama from the balcony scene onward and placing yourself or personna within the action, so to speak. Juliet's moon-face suggesting marriage I think is a very good image, very Elizabethan. The closing stanza sums up what is at least implicit in the play namely THE STARS JOINED THEM TOGETHER. I like the image of the yolk and the white but it comes too suddenly and it appears flippant in this context. I think it has to be set in its own stanza, otherwise readers who don't revel in poetic speech will misconstrue the intent. I may have misconstrued your poem but I liked it! You evoked the charming naivete of the two.
Their body both lie dead...They are alive somewhere out there..Happy and free