10 Ways To Celebrate Halloween
This is Halloween - so I’ve got license for a little mischief. Read and enjoy.
by Raj Arumugam
Offer your children a diet of pumpkin soup for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
In the absence of children, offer it to your spouse. Or offer it to yourself.
Color your face and hands Green.
And hold a placard with the words: MOTHER NATURE.
Then stand outside on the highway at peak hour traffic.
Just watch what they do to you.
When the children come knocking tonight and they shout: “Trick or Treat? ” tell them:
“I’m doing the Trick and Treat, little darlings” - and say:
“The Trick is, I’m going to recite one of my poems, and the Treat is that too! ”
And just watch them run!
Your son’s room is dirty and untidy? He never tidies his room?
Well, today you can reverse it all: throw frogs and toads and feathers
and chicken curry and rotting pumpkins about in his room and listen to him complain in reverse, when he comes back from school:
“Mum! My room is so untidy! ”
(Trouble is, you may still have to clean up.)
Call your mum and tell her you are pregnant. (Of course your mum might have read this and she might be calling you to scare you with the same Trick.)
Walk over to your neighbour’s drive-way with a new $100 broom and offer to sweep their driveway.
Put up a sign outside your house just for tonight:
Give this Old House the miss.
Old Witch is back.
Old Wizard is brewing Old Lizard Potion to celebrate.
Or try this sign outside your house:
No Halloween here.
Just Bold Miss-fit Blunderteen, (Blackbelt, TKD) lives here.
Trust me, witches flying on a broomstick over trees and the moon is not a myth.
Gather all your folks and neighbours on One Tall Tree Hill, climb that tree, sit on a broom, shout: “I believe! ” - and jump off the tree. You must also have a crowd of at least 20 for this to work.
For goodness sake, just this once, try being human. Just for today. We've had enough zombie days.