(The Crystal Age / Pretoria - South Africa)

' 2011/04/15 My Spirit

Mistakenly thought I had done my best, and I was
wrong, boy was I wrong, I cannot blame anyone
but myself for failing again, M Scott Peck wrote in
his book “Road Less Travelled” that impatience is
childish and irrational, an indication that a person
cannot postpone his need to feel fulfilled - like an
adult should

If I were not so impatient I would have printed my as-
sessment, carefully studied it, comparing, changing
and improving, note subtle nuances, the only function
my life and job have is discovering my shortcomings,
I have not started addressing them yet, only learning
how far from average I am, have yet to reach the
height of mediocre

I am simply the most incompetent, no control over
temperament, the world is perfect, colleagues are
brilliant - their ethics impeccable – yet I cannot even
begin to emulate them, the fight for meaning in life
is too painful to continue and win, life per se is
meaningless, senseless, only spiritual truth
has any value

But it is not possible to withdraw and search for
answers, too afraid of hunger and suffering to
follow the example of swami’s and holy men
prostrate on nails, walking over hot coals
without burning; maybe after this life in
the cycle of reincarnation, my spirit
will be better equipped

To deal with the material world…

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