(28th October 1971 / Glasgow, Scotland)

31 Things You Never Want To Use

The helmet for your motor bike
A big syringe with a scary spike
A bumper pack of sticky plasters
The revolting oil that comes from castors
A 15 story fire escape
A roll of yellow police-line tape
Some anti-venom for a viper
A convertible sportscar’s windscreen wiper
The insurance on your holiday
The barriers on the motorway
An emergency airplane parachute
The toe caps on a safety boot
The seatbelts in a motorcar
Your shaky knowledge of CPR
A cross-channel ferry inflatable jacket
An extra big super-strength laxative packet
The telephone number ‘999’
A hangover cure for too much wine
A military-issue bulletproof vest
A terrifying HIV blood test
The kiss of life, a survival knife
A pre-nuptual agreement with your wife
A sentence full of sweary words
A stick for picking out stepped-on turds
A brand new mechanical replacement knee
A coffin that you’ll never see
The ejector seat on a fighter jet
A loan for consolidating debt
A desktop fan when it starts to swelter
A thermonuclear fallout shelter

User Rating: 5,0 / 5 ( 2 votes ) 3

Comments (3)

Dave, another great, great one from you. Hilarious, so hilarious. It's a marvel how you find all these things, it would take me ages! Very well done indeed. Applause! ! ! ! ! ! Love Ernestine XXX
Laughing my ass off! Nice one! The stick for the turds is my favorite. -chuck
what a world this is fascinating the details surging into the poet's bain the words twisting that famous smile from lips often unable to smile a fine poem