A Dependency Worse Than Alcohol

Pain.
I know it's there.
I can't truly feel it now, but
only because it's sleeping in
a pit in my soul...
and when it wakes up
it will never cease to vex me;
whispering in my ear
that only it loves me,
that I need no one else,
that it will kiss me with misery
and hold me in arms of stone.
It stirs, and the biting
mausoleum chill is more than I
can take. But I have realized
that breaking free will cost me
dearly; because maybe it's fate;
and perhaps I do need
this spiral of silent agony and
just as silent tears...they let me
know that I'm still alive;
pain is my only true vital sign;
it's the only thing I can feel anymore.
I don't want to feel it...but
I have to.