A Fairy-Tale Story - So True It's Scary

For many moons each morning spent
renewed his foul predicament.

He'd chosen from the Hit Parade
a spouse of sour lemonade.
Her spleen had a big built-in vent
it caused each day an argument.
A man of rich imagination
and tired of plain fornication
he was impressed with his surrounds
and often walked the well-kept grounds.

Awake at night he suffered, missing
not snuggles, whispers or hot kissing
but something better in his life,
he knew he had to dump his wife.

Though he was willing to consider
to sell her to the highest bidder
not one came forth to claim the prize,
it mostly seemed to be her size.

Spring came and she (the spouse) had hired
and simultaneously fired
the milk delivery persona,
the new one had the name of Mona.

She looked the part, her breasts were smaller
and all in all she did seem taller,
had never heard of Mona Lisa
nor of the leaning one of Pisa.

Man of the house, he rose quite early
and always watched the rather burly
and sour-faced man of all trades
as he raised curtains, brows and shades,
it was his butler, somewhat shifty
but with the household budget thrifty,
he didn't like him in his life
but well preferred him to his wife.

The gate had opened and a Rover
drove in, then parked close to the clover
which had been planted there to feed
small poultry and odd geese in need.

A smashing uniformed young maiden
emerged from the extremely laden
vehicular excuse ( twas smoking)
the men all found themselves a-stroking
their beards or in the absence, skin
and pulled their tummies quickly in.

A whistle had been heard by many
just when young Mona moved her fanny
and bounced her twins to lead the way,
the size? I really couldn't say.

Inside the servants' entrance rested
in light subdued a double breasted
scarecrow in need of restoration
which caused a passive confrontation
and down without a sound went Mona.....
the butler ran for some Moccona
which had revived our Lord's young laddie
(God had despatched being Daddie)
way back when they did nail the fellow
onto a cross (HE was NOT yellow) ,
but if you read the bible story
you'd know the Romans were quite sorry
that this one got away with treason,
it was a pretty lousy season.

Oh yes, she stirred and now the master
took over to avert disaster
and save the lady's health as well
and his financial wealth from Hell.

He cradled her and stroked her jowels
and asked her to repeat plain vowels
and also dates like birthdays and
how many fingers in each hand.

Then he proceeded to enquire
if there was one who did admire
her obvious assets back in town
meanwhile they'd brought a dressing gown
and dressed her in this new attire
then placed her, prone close to the fire
inside his study to recover.

Well, did you guess? He'd be her lover?
Next day (she'd smothered him with kisses)
he woke the dragon lady (Hisses)
and told her to vacate the region
perhaps to join the Foreign Legion
due to her hairy upper lip
and wished her an exciting trip.

She was not game to mount a tantrum
and caught a virus in her antrum
of which she died and soon was buried...
meanwhile, the two at home got married
and lived a nice and happy life,
he was the husband, she the wife.
And those of you who think I'm fibbing
or from a storybook ad-libbing
you are without poetic skills
which we in Aussieland call DILLS.

by Herbert Nehrlich 2

Other poems of NEHRLICH 2 (642)

Comments (3)

Having previously met the man and being at once an instant fan, now that I have read his verse there is no way I could think worse. I loved the tale, enjoyed the ride. When I got to the end I cried. (I did not really cry this time.... I just needed a word to rhyme) But that's a problem writers face. Trying to rhyme with style and grace. Our man Herbert wins again. And so I say this poem's a ten!
Another amusing read with lots of laughs. Nice way to start the sunny day.
I have a morning coffee and sit down to find that I get the very best of wild and wacky from H.x. What a way to wake, laugh and hope that creative juices can be kick started to flow throughout my day... aroha Dxx