Poem Hunter
Poems
A.L.L.A
PN (Oct 1983 / Canada)

A.L.L.A

I am waiting for this infatuation to end
I am waiting for the lights
to stop shining so
brightly seeing stars
seeing red
as you roll out of bed upset
that you over slept again.
I could hear it in your voice
you were hoping I would be
gone right out of your sight
faded like the day light when you
finally awoke.

Instead I was still-
I tried to leave, baby,
I tried to say goodbye to all this pretending.
I even gathered up my things. Packed up;
washed my face, combed my hair,
brushed my teeth and stared into the void
of my lonely existence that was my reflection.
I knew I had to get out of there, once again
do the hard thing.

But looking at you
while you dreamed of life without me...
I just could not leave. Not yet.
Not as you slept.

So I laid down next to you.
Faining sleep-
optimistic
that for one last time
you might
just might reach out to me.
One last time a join yourself
deep inside of me.
Instead I dreamt twisted dreams.
There was a cockroach crawling on me
I screamed
Dream you said
once again, my dear, it's all a figment of your
oblivious
little
head.
But I knew
I knew it was a sign of what was
to come.

So I looked at you.
I still could not leave. Until that moment
there was no more excuse
I could not leave. No just yet.
Not while you slept.

I could not stay
putter around and in your way.
I could only shout
this sad wayward goodbye.
I bet you didn't know
how much was in that.
Now I'm sitting in this
cafe that calls itself Saigon
writing these words of shame.
I always miss my cues.
I could never use you to
accuse of
these feelings
that I allowed to
grow
out
of
proportions.

So please
Forgive me
for being such a fool.
So momentarily in love
with you.
And please,
just let me leave.
I've laid here and figured it all out
As you slept.

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