A New Kind Of Christmas

Hail to all good stewards of holiday cheer
The future of Christmas may bring you to tear
I have troubling news concerning an elf
And there's no way I can save Kris Kringle myself

His reindeer got mixed up with some horses down south
As Comet was continually running his mouth
The wager had something to do with Anheuser beer
And who could drink more, a horse or a deer

Now the Clydesdales are scheduled to pull Santa's sleigh
Along Naples beach on the twenty-fifth day
The teams quite happy as long as there's hay
They think pulling Santa is some sort of play
Horses are jumping and pretending they're deer
A new kind of Christmas we're having this year

Santa's acting like the old man and the sea
Like Scrooge, I worry if another Christmas I'll see
First Kris complained he needed a boat
Then did what he could to make his red sleigh float
Now his whole day is spent perched on the pier
Big Snook are biting so he's full of good cheer

Prancer and Dancer claimed it's too hot
Flew off for Colorado to smoke some ~#*
Santa has not been completely abandoned
He has a spotted dalmatian as his faithful companion

The whole thing's a big mess and I'm starting to fear
If you don't come down here
You may miss Christmas this year

by Larry Schreckengost

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