From Life To Long, The Story Of Me

Years of smiles
While laughing
On the inside
Creates a reversal within
As years of truth
Have finally been revealed
Sadness, deep within

Decades of auto pilot galore
Never really read out
To be implored
Found something brewing
In a personal matter
Two halves
Fighting it out
And silence wins

Then, is then
Who is what today?
Unfinished devotion
One could say

And now
There is no more shame
Still, I admit
There is a wishful quest
For so much more
Less in the case
To me,
Sets me afire
Blithering coarsely in disdain
In rare cases of doubt
Rallying in a metaphoric haze

There is no spitting outward here
Inward is all around in here
Lived in myself
So many years
I cannot even begin
To tell you
Where this imagination has been

I create and create and create
Euphoric in a musing state
Trying to give myself a voice
Without the anxiety
Of feeling out of place

So what is next?
Eventually it goes at times into text
Achieving something upon
Never feeling like nothing ever again

I suppose
I do not scream out publicly
Nothing against it
In fact
I love everything

But I do like
To make all of these words
Talk in the language
Of inward compatibility
Does the outside know what I mean?

I am not a victim
Never was, in fact
Or will ever be
Something but a phantom strife
Many years ahead of myself
Writing the longest eulogy possible
Till I am old and withered
Then time would have finally ceased
For the moment

Then after when all is said and done
What will be of my own history?
Will anyone ponder what I meant?
What would be remembered of me?

But this is the present
And I have so much time to bleed
So many prospecting ways to succeed
But no matter what
I will be humbled within these dreams

Can sarcasm be seen in a poetic sense?
Only to then know when it is time emote
And release?
Then will one know the true sense of reality?

Everything is more
Than just standard
Words confused
Trying to find
Their rightful place
Amongst this unbalanced scheme

Here, there, everywhere
Stanzas going wild
Traversing endlessly
Beyond explanations
Of any sort of dream
Many shapes and desires
Drawing hearts and thoughts
Feeling and pondering endlessly

This poetic devotion
Perhaps different than most
But this is what motivates
This humbled existence
On this quest of being
Completely incomplete

And then in spirit
No matter what
I will always smile
Smiles from here
To the great beyond

And then time
It will be everywhere
Never once standing still

In this life
What adventure awaits me?

When I can finally live out
Of myself, traveling onward
Upwards into even bigger dreams

Something has to give
Or receive

Take this all
For what it's worth
Or not at all
Never forcing or begging anyone
Or anything

I am just me
Even if I have never
Done anything
Remotely successful
In what is regarded as achieving

Was this short enough?
I could go on
Smiling and smiling
Till this light within eternally beams

But for now
I will keep writing on....

I haven't even shown the world
What I am capable of
This life adds meaning
As time goes by
Drawing and painting
My own destiny

This is the end
But never the end of me


by James Darwin Smith II

Comments (6)

My hand dances in the memory of a million vanished stars. Beautiful poem.10
liked the title..and poem was also pretty good
A Sleepless Night seems as a metaphor for the long night of winter, itself a metaphor for the darkness of life; spring has finally come, it's good to be alive, and because man is alive he can lay his head anywhere, but of course this freedom of living came at a price: a million vanished stars, now only a memory.
wonderful poem! -Portia
I agree with G. Murdock. Yet, there is something quite intriguing about the last line. It does bring to mind the NT quote: The Son of Man has no place to rest his head. Does that change the meaning?
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