VB ( / Phillipines)

A Tormented Goodbye

Remembering past days, hanging out at the skate park
When we would sneak out and get drunk, you would come get me after dark
Going to punk rock shows, causing trouble everywhere we went
Oh how I love all the memories, there is so few that I have left
Remembering when we went to prom, when I cried on your shoulder
When we talked about our lives, and how we couldn't wait to get older

It has been so many years, since you have died
Since you swallowed all those pills and chose to end your life
You called me to say goodbye
But I could not get to you in time
We had a promise, a pact, a agreement to go together
We said if we could not take this life, than we would take forever
We suffered so much, we were codependantly in love
There was just so many painful things, that we could not overcome
We would try to fight, we would try outlive through the pain
But if it became too hard, where one could not save the other
Than we would die together, hand in hand of one another

You saved my life, in more ways than I can convey
But for you I could not do the same
You were already gone, it was too late
It was a race against time, a battle of fate
I remember the awake, as I tearfully carressed your face
I memorized your arms as I held you for one last embrace
My plan was to die as soon as I saw you just once more
But my parents sent me away, after they found all the pills in my drawer
So when I left your funeral, they drove me straight there
Losing you was truly more pain than I could bare
That was the day, the day my heart broke
When your mother blamed me, when she said it was my fault
That maybe I could learn from this, that I could learn how to save a life
That because I didn't tell anyone, and I couldn't get there in time

Preserving you in jars, in my mind you are formented
To open you up and let you out it would only torment it,
Traces of yesterday, it blows away like footsteps in the sand
It only makes it harder to try to understand
Overtaken by the time and how fast you drift outside
I still find you everywhere, lost in thoughts you are disguised
Like a lonely boat, newly lost at sea
Why was it so easy to try to run away and forget me
Alone, floating, into the great abyss
Could you not throw me a life jacket and let me exist
The emptiness in my life, everywhere you are missed
Why did you leave me, was I so easy to dismiss

To accept that you are gone it has been quite a struggle
To try to stand after your absence has been more of a stumble
Peering into the past, all obstacles they won't crumble
It remains fading fast, just memories that are troubled

Lighting candles to your memory, I sit alone and listen to our old songs
When life didn't matter and only you and I belonged
I sit at your grave, staring at the picture of you that I took
Engraved on your stone, with such a beautiful look
Your beautiful blue eyes, oh how I miss them so
Oh why, oh why billie, did you have to go?

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