BM (26-03-45 / Salford, England)

A Word With God

God he spaketh unto me
he said “Ow art thee lad? ”
Low his voice was comforting
he sounded like my Dad

“Well..well am alreet Lord
thank you very much
then E asked me “wer I prospering”
and I answered “Not as such”

Then E’ paused as though in pondering
“Lad I’ve a job for thee
I’m ending th’world next Friday
I’ve ad enough you see.”

You can tell em that I said so
Ow you do it ’s up to you
“By eck Lord that’s a shocker
Am flummoxed what to do.”

“Well you’ve got a week to do it
To spread the news about”
I asked what help he’d give the righteous
The Lord’s one word reply was “Nowt”

“The good are sodding boring
They’ve lost the sense of fun
I gave the gift of laughter
And they’ve forgotten how it’s done”

“The wicked.. well, they’re wicked
They worship Sin and money
But at least amongst those evils sods
There’s one or two that’s funny! ”

“I’ve given them the world” he said
“And they’ve buggered up the lot.
They think my love’s eternal
Well they’ll find out soon, it’s not.”

“And you know what really riles me,
which drives me up the wall
they never stop their moaning
So they’ve had it! Sod ‘em all.”

Then thunderbolts and lightening
Flashed across the sky
And suddenly it dawned on me
That I, was going to die.

Bloody Hell! Or Heavens above
depending on his whim
it was either lodging with old Nick
Or in Paradise with him

I searched in desperation
For some argument or plan
Of stopping Armageddon
“By gum I think I can! ”

“Have you really thought this out lord
‘cos remember if you do
the bad end up with Satan
but the GOOD end up with you! ”

“By Eck! ” he said (The lighting stopped)
“I never thought before
I’ve got wall to wall do-gooders
I don’t want no bloody more”

By now th’ thunder had abated
And a quiet reigned again
God was having second thoughts
And I was shaking with the strain

“On second thoughts” the Lord he asked
“is it worth the song and dance?
Appen I were hasty
A think al givem one more chance.”

“Well it’s up to you, of course Lord
But if you really want my view
Better the boring sods are all down here
Than up there annoying you.”

“I like you train of thought Lad
EEH It’s all turned out a treat
I’ll see thee right Lad, when tha time comes
Al leave thee name onth’ door with Pete! ”

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