my stomach swells
and i feel pregnant
but it's only the bottle of water i drank.
then again, the brand is Life Water
and i'm afraid the makers have implanted in me
some form of life,
possibly lizard-like in appearance.
now i'm waiting for the baby to kick
in confirmation of it's presence.
as soon as it does, i'll excuse myself
to the bathroom.
i'll look for a stray bottle of Chlorox i can ingest
to rid myself of this epidemic.
or maybe i'll go into the kitchen
for a steak knife.