JG (22nd March 1989 / Bristol)

Abyss

Every time she leaves her house,
It’s like she’s stepping out off the curtain,
The reality melts away and leaves the girl everyone would like to know,
A perfectly practiced act showered with smiles, jokes and kind words,
She parades in front of her audience so that they ask no awkward questions,
And if they do ask what seems like a simple reply,
She stutters…

How does she answer to make sure no other questions are asked?
So they do not discover what she has tried so hard to hide,
That she wears a painted face so they do not see the naked truth,
Someone’s whose problems cannot be solved by a simple talk or call,
They are locked inside her head,
Her heart,
Her soul,
Things no other can touch without her permission,
She must walk alone,
Where her shadow is the only one that really knows her,
At least…
As much as it can,
For she does not even know why she cries,
Maybe it just feels natural,
How can she be lonely with so many crowds gathered around?
How can she feel heartache with having no one to love?
How can things taint her mind with woe when she doesn’t even know what they are?

She is scared of the unknown…
The warped abyss in her being…
Giving her reasons to bleed…
Giving her reasons to crawl on all fours…
Giving her reason to scream…
She is scared of the thing she is most close to…
Something that lives closer to her than home…
She is scared of the one thing she can never escape…
Herself…

by Jess Green

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