EC (07-18-1989 / Arkansas)

Addiction

I thought I could stay away
But I just couldn't bare it anymore
It was calling my name so I had to
I know I gave in

But I can't be strong
I never was and never will be
I knew it this strength wouldn't last

I'm weak as weak can be
I saw the knife one to many times
I tried to hold myself back
But I couldn't

And it felt good to see marks on me once again
To feel the pain
To feel alive
But now I want more and more its my addiction

I tried to kill it but it wouldn't die
It had me trapped and I couldn't get out
Suicide is no longer on my wish list
But I still feel alone

I still have this pain it lingers me
I wish I didn't have it
And I wish pain didn't exist
But it does and it hit me

I thought I could be happy
But I should know better than that
Cause pain follows me everywhere I go
And cutting is my addiction

I admit it now I want to do it more and more
Just to see the scars to feel alive
Sometimes addictions come and go
And I thought this one was gone

But it came back at my front door
And now its back to stay
Cutting is mine for always
Its an addiction and its hard to break

by ESPN CHICK

Comments (12)

Well conceived and nicely brought forth with insight. A beautiful poem on the clutches of addiction. Thanks for sharing.
I tried to kill it but it wouldn't die This is so true! You're a very good poet keep going :) Hang in there
Depression can be rather fatal if it's to a certain extent. Addictions can turn lives upside down and become the same as death...I don't know this addiction to pain, but I surely do know how depression works. It's just a really low feeling that attacks you. I think you wrote the poem with skill without error. It's an interesting read and probably will continue to be...Bravo.
I have a different addiction. but I know what your talking about. I'm working on being better at dealing with mine. I really liked this poem good job. *Purkey Girl*
I can't imagine anyone wanting to hurt themselves to feel alive, you would think that everytime they wanted to do that to themselves that they would stop and listen to thier heartbeats in a very quiet place and take in very deep and short breaths and say hey I'm alive what else can I do besides what I am doing. I lost my little sister 3 years ago, she is no longer doing drugs, and she is at peace, but I know for a fact that that is not how she wanted to stop! I wish there were one big cure for all addictions.
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