Advice From The Jackalope Man

People who jog too much

Can get pain in their knees,

But that pain can be treated

With stings from honeybees.



For a strong and healthy heart,

Take coldwater fish oil.

Never fry when cooking,

It's better if you broil.



Kite flying causes headaches,

At least in some white mice.

You can live to be two hundred

If you eat a certain rice.



Bundle up when it's cold.

Don't run too much when it's hot.

At the first sign of a fever,

Drink some opossum snot.



Never nap with your head

In the mouth of an alligator.

Stress is a killer,

Put off your chores till later.



Apply sunscreen liberally.

Never pop your blisters.

Argue every chance you get,

Especially with your sisters.



Have lots of colors on your plate,

By that, I mean jelly beans.

In case you need them someday,

Stock a couple of spare spleens.



Chug three cherry sodas

If you have stabbing stomach pains.

Make sure you have a will

If you like single engine planes.



If you want to take a helicopter ride,

Just annoy a venomous snake.

Medical flights are usually free,

And if you live, you get a cake.



If you're hiking in the woods

And you see a big ol' bear,

Push your friend to the ground,

And scoot right out of there!



Play well with others.

Don't eat ticks or lice.

Don't hesitate to call me

If you need any more advice.

by Bruce Larkin

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