you begin to realize what is really important and you gain a clear vision of you are and what you really want in life. I began to change my surroundings and change my old ways. I lost alot of 'friends' remember the ones you always would tell me about the 'so called friends'. They were just dead energy. People to party and play with, they were there for the fun times but when times got tough they disappeared, rarely calling to see how I was. I was now on my own, focused on getting my life back in order. I started to rethink my life. I had so much extra time on my hands and started to realize I wasn't getting any younger, that I wanted more in my life. I wanted to go back to school finish my education. I wanted a career and most of all a family. So I started school last year now a full-time student. I cannot begin to tell you how happy I feel. I feel alive again, I feel as if I can conquer the world, I can accomplish my goals. I feel stronger and healthier than I have felt in years. Don't get me wrong I had my moments of sadness, regret, and I always think of my mistakes and lost time and realize all the ways I went wrong. I was not a good person back then I hurt so many people, people I loved and that loved me so much, but I was selfish absorbed in the evilness of that ugly habit. When I lost everything including you my closest friend, I fell apart, I prayed alot and asked God to please help me and guide me. I felt so alone, I had nobody to really talk to, the way I could talk to you about everything. Nobody would understand it, so I just prayed and focused on a goal. As I began to accept that I had made so many mistakes and hurt so many people, I started to become very humbled. I started to realize how important my life was, and realized how precious time was, and I had no more time to waste. Now it was my time to prove to myself that I could do it, I could be the girl you always said I could be. I began to realize my strengths no longer focused on my weaknesses. The past was the past and there was nothing I could do to change it but what I could do was grow and learn from the mistakes and better my life. Suicide was never an option, but the pain I carried with me all those years had been my suicide, I let it absorb me, and take me away, from enjoying my life, and appreciating all the love around me. I started to feel alive again, when I started school and realized I still had it me, alone but focused and setting a goal for myself was what saved me from the dark side. My wonderful family and few friends that kept encouraging me and telling me how proud I was making them, felt great. I've wanted to reach out to you and talk to you and tell you that I was finally almost free but I wanted to really make sure I was in a good place before reaching out to you. I pray that God is taking care of you and hope that you are in a good place. I wasn't me, when we were together. I'm sorry for all the hurt and awful things I said to you that wasn't me. I constantly think back and realize how good God was to me, even when I wasn't being a good person and hurting all who I loved because he sent me an angel to help guide me through my darkest time. the strength, love, and encouragement you constantly gave to me through my darkest times made me who I am today. Even though it seems as if I wasn't listening, I always was. You opened up my eyes to many things, I never knew I was beautiful, creative, and smart until I met you. You constantly encouraged me to reach for my goals, you gave me confidence that I now carry with me today. A year on my own, I've grown alot. I've gained wisdom, and courage, and I've learned to accept my mistakes, and just keep moving forward. I have goals and I'm going to accomplish them. I know I will find happiness again. My life is far from over. I'm letting go of the past. I'm going to get it all right this time. Concentrate, pray and accomplish. My priorities today are work, school, my family, and my health. With the help of God and prayer I have destroyed the negativity that used to absorb me. I don't regret anymore I just keep moving forward. I want to remain humble and share my time with people who appreciate, encourage, and love me for who I am. This is my purpose in life now. You always told me how much I had to offer, and I never saw it back then, but now I appreciate all your encouragement. I know I have a beautiful soul, realize my creativity and know that I have so much love inside of me that I want to share with people who love me. So I made mistakes and I hurt so many people that loved me, but it's not to late to show them how much I appreciate the love they gave. I will never forget one moment we spent together, because you gave so much of your time, and I didn't appreciate any of it then, but now I am able to see clearly how much you gave, and for that you will forever be in my heart. I am on the right road now I am finally finding peace of mind. My past will always be there but because of it I will always be humbled by the angel that saved me through the lowest time in my life. I am grateful for surviving and so very thankful for the love you gave. So this is me. The broken Angel is finally spreading her wings and flying free, embracing her life. Thank you my guardian angel for being my strength and encouragement and always believing in me.
by Bella Angel