Awakening

So on this very day....
A realization hit me...
Hit me so hard almost knocked me down....
Frankly speaking was a bit stunned by the force of it all.

All my life i have loved but have wanted too little for myself..
I have played the charitable stranger...
always willing to stop aside for love's sake...

But i tell you it never was for my love...
I placed a martyr responsibility on my head....
Felt much joy in seeing others find love....

All the while feeling too self righteous to find my own happiness....

I kept dodging and ducking whenever love looked down my lane...
Hiding my insecurities and fears behind a brave face
A face that said to all those that dared... that i care nothing for love

I cared nothing for romantic gestures and all the emotions that come with it

I am such a liar....
Kinda ashamed of the act actually

For years i went on all happily not understanding how so badly,
I had robbed myself of the joy of being loved

Then i met you...
And for the first time i felt brave enough to dare....
brave enough to challenge my fears and insecurities

And not allow them to hold me back....
To love and open up to be loved

I told myself i will give it my whole and..
Leave the rest to Fate

And in the meantime i will enjoy...
Enjoy every minute i spend loving you...
And being loved by you...

Because for the first time....
I have felt a warmth that not only fills me up...
But lights my soul too

I love you
Remember that....

by Elizabeth Jacqueline Mpanga

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