Because I Said So!

Because I said so! And things I wish I said back.

When you're a kid parents say the weirdest stuff to you. Here are things I've heard many times growing up and the responses I wish I was gutsy enough to have responded with.

Button your lip.......What are you a tailor?
Stand up straight......Like the other Cro-Magnons on dad's side of the family, eh.
Look at me when I talk to you.....No, you're too ugly.
Give grandma a kiss....Ugh!
What did your mother say? .....Sorry, I didn't catch that.
For the same money I could have gotten something human.........Where?
Who died and made you king? ..........I thought that was supposed to be you.
What planet are you from? ..............Obviously not this one.
Yes, I'm smarter than you! ..............In your dreams.
Nobody ever died from a little hard work............Yeah but it's easy to cross that line.
Leave your sister alone..........That's not natural.
I'll kill you! .............Someday maybe.
Nobody likes a smartass...............What, nobody?
He'll get thinner as he gets taller..............fallacy.
Come outta' there..........Why, so you can get me.
Your father didn't mean it......Sure he did and that's what I'm telling the social worker.
What did I just say? .........eh?
Don't even think about it............I don't, its all instinct.
Last time I looked............Com'on, you can't see past your stomach.
Because your sister saw you, that's why............bitch.
Because I said so...............No arguing that one.
Walk the dog...........Too embarrassing, it's a Scotty.
Take out the garbage..........training for my future profession?
Clean up your room it's a pigsty........I hear pigs are really very clean, just messy.
Yes, boys vacuum.............Yeah but they're all going to be wearing dresses someday.
You're going because I say you're going...Three words, anger management classes.
Stop hocking my chops! ...........No explanation needed.
Your sister gets one because she's older than you.........Who wrote the rules to this game?
I know you did it, so why don't you just say you did it.........Never!
You're not stupid! You're uninformed. When they tell you, you'll know......Nope!
Your teacher says you need to try harder.........Yeah, I missed her head three times.
Why must you do that one more time? .........To annoy the living shit outta' you.
Don't lie to me...........You're joking right?
No, you can't keep him..........Why, what's wrong with a rat?
Who did that to you? ..........A friend.
Why did you hit him? .......................It felt right at the time.
Never let me catch you in there again.............I won't.
No, it's too late, now go to bed..........O.K. but I'm bringing my girlfriend.
Just give it back.............Then I gotta' steal it again.
How many times have I told you? .............Not enough, I guess.

THE END (FOR NOW)

by S.MICHAEL DOWNS

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