Being Told

Things which are not total lies
But they are said in a way where there is something that person is trying to hide
I mean it's totally fine
I'm that type of guy
To hear what someone says
And I can accept it
There's just times where I feel like I know it's not the truth

Like what kind of pain does it cause you

Or hurt you

Or possibly disarm you from your positive side

To look me straight in the eyes

And tell a bold face lie

I feel like I'm not worth the truth
Then please
If this is what you believe
Then please
Walk away from me
Don't bother speaking to me
Leave me
Don't take the time to understand me
Because if you feel the need to lie
It will not be through my eyes

The constant feeling

I DO NOT BELONG HERE

My goal in life

Is to change as many lives
As possible
Even if it means enduring pain greater than me
And there is a chance it possibly destroys me
Then by all means
Give it all to me
Show me the true pain which none of us gain anything from
I want you to show me
Show me

I often mention flowers

And stars

And the night sky

And gardens

And landscapes

And nature

And love

Life

Even hate

I mention my life as a disgrace
I speak about how I hate everything
I rant about absolutely everything
Because withholding all of it inside
If I kept it in for a greater time
My life would end
Guaranteed I would of died
Or stared at my past self and just cried
Because of how much change I saw
How much sadness I endured sticks with me by my side
To remind me who I am all the time

I am a boy who sees what he believes

I am a boy who doesn't always accept what he's told

A boy who sees disaster coming from years away

Yet people still have the nerve to say
I am not different
I just
Think I am

Want to know what I feel
When I see someone crying
From a distance I wonder if I should walk away
Or if I should say something
Could I possibly help her?
What I feel is being drowned in a room which holds no water
But the air flow is so weak it taunts me
To the point I know
A reason to run isn't needed
It's just all that I'm feeling

People think they know me
But no one could possibly read me
I show a silly kid
Who hides his intelligence where no one can find
Hides the truth where no one can find
I hide literally everything where no one can find
So don't tell me you know who I am
When you still ask me questions all the time

I refer to the sky so much
I forget about reality
I forget about the people around me
And I focus on the clouds
How they move and how the wind sounds
Sooner or later we will all be visited by the sacred hound
Which tells us where we go

To Hell
The core of the planet we live on

Or To Heaven
Through space and time watching stars collide

Do you know which you want to choose?
I take the fiery depths
I know I am not the greatest man
There are still tons of things I don't understand
There are TONS of things which make my mind freeze
And keep me still for many years
There are still people I can't read
I still don't know what I want to feel

Do I want ultimate happiness?

Or do I look forward to feeling the tears drip down my eyelids?

Do I enjoy the darkness?

Maybe I do

Maybe I enjoy no one around me
I do

Maybe I like to watch the the clouds form these major storms
Because it reminds me of what people are about to endure
A world of major pain and a giant mess
It's what we need right now

To Open Our Eyes To What Could Come Next!

by Jamal Hamadani

Comments (1)

Jamal, such an interesting write...10+++