Bitterness And Others

this is your bitterness
that wants to be set free
that wants you to know, to seek
to have the freedom of curiosity

this is your enemy
that keeps love away

this is your loneliness
this is your bitterness
mixed together
weaving a cocoon, that would
rather be a colorful butterfly
a frail child that would rather be an adult
wondering what responsibility is like
wondering what love is like

this is your self loathing
tied to hundreds of memories
tied to thousands of images
murky in your heart
dwelling in your mind
an adult
who feels his innocence lost
who reads of Bacchus
and Nietzsche
wondering how a deaf man could write
could possibly imagine
an Ode to Joy

curiosity asks
what if i grow old
and my friends start dying
and i lose my freedom of movement
as i sit and regret 50 plus years of my life
and presently have too much to sort out and weep about

i asked her
do you think it is others who form your image
of yourself
do you think they play a part in your
'self loathing'
do you believe in a true self
such as, a self that can be found
after a 'spiritual journey'
or something that can be realized
after you do a lot of soul searching?

i didn't tell her my thoughts
but i like the line in the movie 'memento'
'we all need mirrors once in a while to
remind us of who we are.'

it's impossible to define yourself
without echoing off of others
the mind needs comparison and contrast;
difference and variety

she never asks for my opinion
which i suppose isn't a bad thing
maybe she doesn't trust me

the ode to joy
beethoven's symphony was in four parts
2 were agitated, stressful
the third was beautiful and calm,
and then the fourth
it took little parts from each of these
played them, and then tossed them aside
it denied them
but then it offered something new in its place:
joy, new sounds,
taking the previous pieces and then creating something new
i think thats a good definition of creativity

taking what you have and using it differently
redefining it
and questioning boundaries

and this is revenge
'for what you did to me' you say
'this is what you deserve'
and 'you're asking for it'
such words
coming from a child
trapped, caged in the body of a man

curiosity asks me
what can i do for my old former teacher
one of our favorites
what is his age
how is his health
when will he
die
what should i do

by Justin Tang

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