Break Up Diary

Poem By Jeff Law

Break up diary “Look into your heart, this is what I have to offer”
I’ll do anything within my powers, I’ll wait a hundred days and I’ll wait a thousand hours
I’ll do the “she loves me, she loves me not” whilst picking leaves of your favourite flowers
I’ve got to be strong, and keep holding on; I mustn’t be weak and certainly not a coward
My eyes they sting from the tears, my heart is scared from the fears, and my soul is being slowly devoured

It doesn’t have to be this hard, I cannot sleep and there is no smile upon my face. I’m holding on
I think back to mistakes and what could have I changed, and how I can make it not wrong
We both don’t deserve this; I’m feeling so worthless, where will I get my inspiration from?
I want it to go back; to the way when we were happy, because now my inspiration is gone

I’m sitting in my lonely room, people offer me advice, but it’s all too much to take
I think back to the night when I lost my life line, I think about if it was a mistake
I’m sitting here right now, wondering if I can stomach, some food or even simply take a break
But I know in my head and my heart and my soul, that there simply is no cure for heartache

This is the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to sit down and write, but yet I continue to type
I think in my heart, if I continue to go, will it make everything wrong seem right
But I could sit here all day, trying desperately to know, but at the moment the air feels so tight
I simply can’t breathe, I need you to live, but you’re living your life without me by your side

I wonder if you’re thinking the same way as me, I know that you want your own time
I’ll give you every minute, until your heart ticks, and you know if it’s me and you’re mine
But until then I wait, its torture not knowing, but I support you until you make up your mind
Just I can’t be too distant and I can’t be too pushy, but I’m scared that you’ll leave me behind

Breaking up, I never knew it would be this hard, I didn’t know what I had until I lost it
I regret it completely, people say take some time, I’m struggling so much it’s so hard to admit
The food doesn’t satisfy, I cannot sleep at night and I can’t figure out why, I feel like I’m falling to bits
I know what the reason is, but the solution is out there, I slip and I can’t get a grip

You’re taking some time, I understand that, to clear out your head and gather your heart
I’m with you the whole way, just stay positive, I will work with you, what I’ve been with from the start
Memories make me cry, and you’re everywhere I look, I say I’m ok but I’m falling apart
There is no cure, it’s something I have to endure, but I’m simply a fool for letting you out of my car

Frustrations and patience, they are weighing me down, but you simply are worth hanging on for
I’ve always been with you for better or worse, I will always love you, I simply cannot love you any more
I know if we try, we will definitely survive but only you and time will tell, I will wait forever for your call
And if you decide to continue without me in your life, I hope it was the right decision for us overall

I couldn’t have changed what happened that night, because everything happens for a reason, I know
And if you decide to get together and retrace our steps, I promise you we will take it comfortable and slow
I am not trying to persuade you or rush you one bit, it’s your tough decision you have to make it, please go
But before you do leave, I am here for you always, and maybe in a week we will not be so low

Only you can decide, only you know what’s right, and advice only goes so far for me and you
I heard some advice it came from a song, “nobody will love me better, I’ll stick with you forever”, it’s true
The tears can’t stop flowing, I hate this not knowing, but it will all make some sense, in a week or in two
I’m confused and in trouble and only you can save me, advice gets me lost, and I’m stuck what to do

You know it’s funny how you can love a person, but love them more when they are no longer there
I’m not laughing because I cannot smile; it’s not worthwhile unless it’s you, if it’s not I don’t care
It is not easy to write this and you know I can write, but it’s bringing me down, it’s too painful to bear
Let’s just wait till you’re ready so we can meet up and talk, and maybe we celebrate our 3 months and year

I’ve woken up this morning, had a dream about you last night, and we got back together
I couldn’t help but text you this morning, but I’m not allowed to tell you that I will love you forever
My heart is breaking, I’m fighting a losing battle, I’m starting to lose my hope, I’m at the end of my tether
I don’t know how long I can stay like this, I can’t live with the fact that we will never be ever

You say it’s early to see me, and I completely understand that, you know that I would never you rush.
I think I’m obsessed, this pain in my chest, it’s not puppy love and it’s definitely not a crush
I love you to the end, but I pray the end isn’t now, I want to keep trying, because right now is not enough
Why’s it this hard, I never knew you would feel this way, I thought I was winning but I’ve run out of luck

I just want to see you, and let the pain disappear, but you won’t let me near, so my broken heart won’t heal
I can’t do this without you, I know it will work, but I’m struggling to stand and you won’t listen if I kneel
Every person I know has their own harsh opinions, but I cannot explain the pain, or just say how I feel
My feelings are holding on, but holding on for just how long? You don’t know what’s right or what’s real

I saw you today, you agreed that we meet; I cannot explain the feeling I got when you said yes to the talk
We sat and we spoke for an hour or two, it felt so right, and I said what I wanted whilst we slowly did walk
We didn’t hold hands until we sat in the car, it felt just so right, to hold fingers tight, the battle being fought
You still want your time, as your hand touched with mine, and we exchanged a kiss as I opened and walked

It’s been four days and we are still as normal as before, I’m just glad that it’s not over, the battle not won
I’m still fighting for you, until you say otherwise; I’ve been thinking about giving you this letter I’ve done
I am scared that it will affect you and stir up emotions; I don’t want to push you away, make you run
I think I will wait until you’ve had time, I would rather have patience and keep you, instead of having none

I respect you so much in your choice to have closure, and I’m glad that you’re thinking, just give me a sign
I will wait until you tell me, until it is then, don’t worry I will wait, just please take your time
Please keep me at reach, but in your comfort zone, just keep all the things that I said in your mind
We need to relax and take it real slow, so go out have fun and lay back and unwind

This weekend was hard, going out like before, but it didn’t feel the same without you in my head
You text me to say good night, my eyes wanted to cry, I cannot tell you this, I must be safe where I tread
Every message a battle to hold you with me, I hope that this wars finishing so I won’t cry, smile instead
But at this moment in time, it is right in the middle, I don’t want to rush you or of myself get ahead

I think of you constantly, I tell myself stop, but I argue with me, and my heart always wins
I think of the times when I did make you cry. I want to apologise for committing these sins
The days go so slow, I’m still waiting to know, excitement for yes, but if it is no, where to begin
Choose what’s right for our future; don’t look back in the past, choose from your heart, use your feelings

All I want is the chance, to try again and put our best into it; I would rather try and fail, than not try at all
That is the line of the poem, it says it all there above, please don’t stop thinking, positive and stand tall
You know how I feel, I know you want time, I will wait till forever, eventually it’s your final call
Tomorrow is a new week, and a hard one to think about, I can barely stand, and just about crawl

I’m down on my knees, I’m begging you please, take this letter from me and read it over and again
The weights are on your shoulder, but I will happily share the load, just help me and keep at length
All I say is that we are so good together, we are brilliant mates, but I want to be more than just friends
Because when the sun goes down and it’s you in my bed, you’re my girlfriend, no need to pretend

These last lines are hardest, I don’t want to end, but it’s time for you to stop and to choose
I’m still hurting, I cannot explain it, I know you feel it too, it’s like I have got an internal bruise
There’s nothing else to be said, because I’ve said it all before, think about what’s right, what is there to lose
I am waiting for you, please realise what you want, you know what I want, now the rest is up to you.
XxxX J

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