(some time ago / Earth, i believe)

Bri's Suicide Attempts In Hell.......[ Fantasy; Hell; Foiled Again! ! ! ; Suicide; Personal ]

At times in my Earthly life I've contemplated MY suicide, ....but
never have I attempted it, NOR "threatened (to do)it". That aside....,
today as I rested myself in a soothing upholstered chair ["legs-up"],
I wondered what would happen if [At Death] I went "Down", not "Up".

My Fantasy:

I arrived at noon, Hell Time, just in time for Thursday's midday meal.
It WAS kind of hot there, but I found no thermostat and did not appeal...
to any of the tuxedoed, Screaming-scarlet, horned waiters near at hand, ....
to decrease the heat at least for my first Hell-meal (which was quite bland) .

I'd hoped for pizza, served with wine, and at first was NOT disappointed,
until, upon closer examination I discerned the toppings were disjointed....
half-raw parts of animals, with un-singed hairs, and some with tearful eyes,
blue, black, brown, green, looking up at me, much to my newcomer's surprise! !

OK, I had expected Hell to be interesting AND not completely to my liking.
But I'd always told myself: "Bri, it's bound to have wanton women, hiking...
their skirts high to welcome me unto the Realms of Darkness".I was wrong.
From creepy pizza things for me "went Downhill" fast! ![ I tried to be strong ]

But it got so bad that I soon became despondent, depressed; know what I mean?
On Earth my end was an 'accident' on a major highway; no roads here were seen,
so I could not have an "accident" like that in Hell.But in a Hell-week I'd 'had it";
I decided that I just HAD TO end my life in Hell.I'd not stay to see how bad it.....
....could get.

At my next "Hell physical fitness" session I thought I'd found my chance: KNIVES.
We used knives, other weapons, and torture equipment, reminiscent of many lives...
lived by the Souls surrounding me in my new home.I slipped one inside my tunic,
careful NOT to amputate any appendage.I wished not to be a Hell-bound eunuch.

Back in my cubicle, with my two mangy mates, I stabbed and slashed with all my might,
but, alas, as my boiling blood poured forth and parts dropped off all through the night,
I found [ to my utter frustration ] that I remained still "alive", if I could be called such.
I felt 'different', but certainly not much different.I felt no cooler, either, to my touch.

And so it went.I tried drowning in the river Styx.I tried six times, ....all to no avail.
I tried all means available which I thought might 'save me'.All of my attempts did fail.
And so here I am, rotting, so to speak, in Hell for lack of religion and/or "good works".
It's HOT, smelly, monotonous, the pizza's creepy, and there are no "special privileges"/'perks'.


(June....25th....2019)

User Rating: 5,0 / 5 ( 2 votes ) 8

Comments (8)

Your humor and wits are fabulous! I think you must have turned into a comedy show place with billions of sad souls laughing. I think very soon you would be getting invitation to entertain in heaven at the court of Indra. So quit trying now and start looking forward for a blissful existence! Thanks Bri! You are so much needed here!
Dear Bri just sitting there, Did you at least find women's underwear? Undies and swimsuits no women there, they heard you commming and they did scare. All you get is harps and choirs, not as fun as girls, guns and fire!
Bri.... this is so funny. You have contemplated suicide but never have attempted it in your earthly life with legs up. Ha, ha ha! And then your fantasy ride to heaven or, whatever be the case or place....where does pizza and wine fit in? Hilarious and most entertaining poem of the month.......A full score for Poet Bri....10
God may or may not be entertained but I have been entertained by my teacher Bri.
I am indeed surprised by your imagination! However be assured that God will be entertained by your humour. So He won't let you be there in for long! As ancient kings used to entertain court jesters, He will invite you soon to Heaven to entertain the inmates there. But make sure that you crack only decent jokes... not any bawdy jokes! Top marks.....!
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