40. I’ve Got A Character Inside Me

I’ve got a character inside me
she has the same age as I—
she is the captive inside my heart

[And, if you would like to know:
her name is Cecile Bachesfield. ]

Though she’s locked inside the dark chambers,
she will never settle and keep herself quiet

I can hear her screaming, at times weeping
I try to stay as deaf as the tombs.

When I was younger, I would find a place
beyond others’ sight, and cry together with her
Now I just sit beside her dispassionately.

She is violent. She hits and kicks and
even bumps her head against the walls
Sometimes I even get frightened by her madness

I try to please her, but it seems that
she will never be pleased.

I give her time, I give her attention,
I let her eat as she likes
(she has a great appetite!)
I sacrifice my external well-being for her
Yet she continues to consume me and sneer at me.

Oh I have grown so tired of her
But can I really live without…
From don’t-know-when has she become part of me
(with the ambition to become the whole)
Well she does originate over half of my inspirations.

That is her, all irrational, all impulsive,
who can neither be predicted nor tamed
So much energy and time I’ve spent
just to pull back my nerves altogether

One day she’ll drive me wild and insane,
and run and scream and knocked down by that white truck

It’s because she has pulled down the cruel walls of her prison,
freed herself, and killed her torturer in revenge.

by Eugene Issaus

Comments (6)

C.J. Heck, Lovely and inviting! Your story of learning how to handle gently the fragile. A butterfly, quite fitting I think. Experiences can really influence our and other's futures and I like when there is something to edentify a commonality in myself. Bless you Kathy
CJ what a childs jewel...wings closed and cracked....and a mothers grace, recognising the perfect moment to set a teaching exempliary.....I put my arms around you on this slendid poem.
Beautiful and delicate. I am certainly lost in your creative artistry. I will take my time to read them all. thank you.
Dear CJ, What a lovely poem. I love the way it conveys emotion, feeling, pathos through clear imagery and simple narrative. As the poem suggests, love, beauty, life, require freedom to grow and thrive. The poem itself is like the fragile, beauteous butterfly we will never forget. Thanks for sharing.
CJ it's a really awesome poem. I work with Kids (nanny work) and Im studying to be a teacher at the moment - so I get kids learning lessons. It spoke to me. :)
See More