Caleb

Dearest Caleb,

Hi. I am your mommy.
I loved you SO much...
It hurt me so much,
When I lost you.
You were with me 13.5 weeks,
And during that time,
I dreamed incredible plans for us.
Now all my sweet dreams are gone,
Cause you are gone.

Now you will remain,
Just a tiny baby forever,
In my mind's image,
For you will never grow
As other children do.

I love you so much, Caleb...
I ache from missing you.
I wanted to hold you,
And love you and show you,
All the beautiful things in this world.
I wanted a chance to love you,
To laugh with you, to hold your tiny hand.

I've cried so many tears over losing you,
For you meant the world to me
And I needed you so much.
Again, I will have no baby to love,
When I thought that I would.
I believed it so strongly,
But all my ideals were shattered,
And since that day,
I have not been the same.

There is this aching void inside of me,
And my heart is crying out: : :
'I miss you, Caleb!
Why did you have to go?
Why did you leave me,
When I loved you so very much?
And why does it all have to end? ! '

I do not know the answers,
But I do know that you had no choice.
You had to die,
But I can make no sense of your death.
You were such such a special baby,
And I would have been a good mommy to you.

Caleb, I want you to know I will ALWAYS love you,
Forever I will carry you in my heart,
As I was unable to continue carrying you in my body...
And in my heart there will always be,
A tiny image of a baby boy,
My precious son....
A special part of me, always...

Goodbye, my baby boy.

(January 19,1998)

by Lesa MRK

Comments (3)

this is very sweet lesa...brought tears to my eyes....love never dies for our little ones Always & 4ever, Grace
very very sad...lesa...writting makes it easier...love...nalini
heartbreakingly beautiful