Conquest

Poem By Gencay

basically we will never see or know each other. What a painful thing this is for me that I can only know you as much as you wrote, if you only knew! You will increase step by step with letters, your whole body will be formed with words and your sentences will be your soul. We will love each other by reading and touching, we will make love by understanding.

So, how can I relieve the pain of being deprived of your beauty, which is not a way to explain that the alphabet is weak in the face of your beauty, that letters are weak, words are inadequate, and sentences are lost? It is not enough for me to live by reading, even though I know you exist! I would forget my life by your side! I would like to sleep in your arms, a vast, endless sleep, and the joy of seeing your beauty when I wake up, was born like a new sun in me.

But maybe we will never see each other. I will be able to live you as much as I read. You know, you are like a book that I have read all my life and that I liked and impressed me… If I knew, I would not have read any book until today, I would only want to read you. To know you by heart… Only you are in my dark, black night. That's why I don't sleep at night.

I don't know what to tell, though I don't have a story worth telling like that. How nice people were in ancient times! I do not like my own age. "Do you know? I hated this age. I hated my flesh and bone…" Cahit Zarifoğlu. Our feelings with Cahit agree on this issue. This world is nailed!

I don't want to bother you any more with these. I don't want anything from this life anymore. Because I know that what I want will not happen, it has not happened until today. That's why I don't want you either. Do not misunderstand, when you say I want it, it does not happen, let me say I do not want it.

One day I'll go out of here, far, far away. Maybe to another country, maybe to a cottage at the mountainside, I don't know, but I'll go. If you were with me, we would go together. As far from these people as possible, to a lush chalet where there are only the two of us. Maybe you like cities, crowds, I don't know. If it were, I would stay, wherever with you, I would live there.

Please don't call me crazy. Just because you exist in words and therefore in my mind because I read. Maybe you really exist, maybe I will keep writing like this for years to you that I have never known. And one day you will come out, ask if you know me, and of course I will say no. You will say how can you say, you wrote me so many things every night, I am the addressee of your words. Without even answering, I will hug you, I will hug you tightly, my kisses will cross your presence over and over again.

You will tell me that you are watching me from heaven like a goddess, that you feel sorry for my situation and you can not stand it anymore and decide to come before me. But I will never be a god with you, I will only be a servant, a servant in love. I believe you are there and one day you will come across me. I can only live with this belief.

I am ready to forget myself, in your bosom to be reborn. Well, wouldn't you want to wake up on my chest every morning? There is a circle, I am in the middle. Traitors, treachery, evil, despair, pessimism, disbelief, exploiters, death surrounded me. But I am happy, I am faithful. Because you are the circle that protects me, prevents me from hitting the bottom, and prevents these vultures from being killed. And if one day it is not from the earth, you will descend from the sky and take me away.

I believe you and I'm waiting. While I wait, I keep myself busy with these words. Normally, I would run a thousand steps away from taking one step to me. You conquered my heart without taking any steps...

As William Shakespeare said;
"Waiting is hell
But I wait for you... "

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