EH (July 5th 1986 Cancer's Stand Up! / Fayetteville, North Carolina)


I’m not the type of guy who likes to cheat
But let me tell you about the time I decided to creep
It’s my junior year in college and I’m lying in bed wide awake
4am and my ears have had just about as much as I can take
You see, my current ex-girlfriend was in bed next to me
And I swear pair of earthquakes were rumbling form the back of her throat and out of her nostrils
Needless to say she was a bit of a snorer

Things had been winding down in our relationship for some time
We argued a lot and the affection we used to share was on a steep decline
So since sleep wasn’t an option, I flipped through my phone studying my contacts
Then I remembered this cute little insomniac I met in the student center
And that was that

She left such an impression on me, I had to know more
Curiosity set my crafty plan in action to make it out the door
Like a serpent I eased my way out of the bed careful not to make any noise...
I was poised to make a great escape like Houdini
With calculated movements I was on my way out
Praying she wouldn’t wake and see me

Successfully out of my apartment adrenalin still rushin’
My conscience awoke decided to chime in
“She’s a good girl Eddie, remember all that work we put in? ”
“There are bound to be consequences to your actions”
I took a few seconds to think about that
Nah, I had gone to far now to punk out and turn back

I flipped through my phone, found her number and dialed
Just the sound of her voice when she answered made me smile
“Hey, I couldn’t sleep and you were on my mind…
If you want I can grab some Sobe from 711 and we could spend some time”
To my delight she said yes and to meet me outside her dorm, she had no plans
I pulled up drinks in hand and put on some slow jams

When she emerged from the dorm my heart started pacing and sweat dampened my hands
She got in and we talked for what seemed like hours about nothing and everything at the same time
She found it rather amusing that I had left my girlfriend behind
To tell you the truth… so did I
An emotional connection outside your commitment is worse than pure physical
If you don’t believe me, allow me to break it down for you

For foreplay I asked her about her past
Then I teased her orally with stories from mine
Stimulated her senses as we reminisced about the day we met
Next I penetrated her with questions to go deep into her personality
Then stroked her ego with compliments and flattery
My savvy conversation took her to ecstasy as we discussed each other’s dreams and fantasies

I had my heart on my sleeve, raw, with no protection
Left it vulnerable to her charms and lustful infection
The pace quickened as I found more things we had in common and I loved that
It was like every thing I threw at her she was throwin’ it right back!
At this point I’m way to excited all this emotion was about to blow!
So before I got in to deep, I pulled out of the convo

“Listen this was great, but It’s time for me to go”
She thanked me for the drink and kissed me softly on the cheek
That was the only time all night her lips and my flesh happened to meet
I made it back to my apartment barely beating the sunrise
I found my current ex where I left her
Sleeping mask still covering her eyes
The snoring had finally subsided so I slid back in bed thinking
Damn… she had no idea… I was out all night creepin’

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