Delusions Of The Distance

Poem By Saz Fairy

I always know love was magic,
But I never understood how it could be so tragic
Till I fell for an angel, I knew would love me only in my world of dream
But when I told him, he said things were not how they looked, not the way they seem

For he said he had feelings of his own,
That I was the angel he wished to have known
But continents kept us apart and separate
But I was delusional; I thought there was more in our fate

I fell for him, I fell very far.
I fell for him, my guiding star
And unintentionally he led me on throughout the morn
I would never have followed if I knew I would have felt this torn

For I knew reality had left my life
With this I turned myself to the knife
The knife in my hand, nothing ever goes as planned
Blood dripping with each stroke of the clocks hand

I know self harm is not what he wants or what is best
But the time spent waiting for him is not what I did detest
It was when he said he loved me but distance kept us apart
Away from my dreams coming true, away from the wish of my heart.

He wants me to stop, to lay down the knife, and trust in him
But I don’t know what to do, as reality goes, im still living on the rim
Life without the knife is going to be rough
But life without him, life itself isn’t enough.

The last dropp of blood falls to the floor,
The will rises inside me to cut and draw out some more
But if I do my life will then be gone, as I to him will be lost
I will have opened the window, into the air my life will then be tossed

The rest of my love, my angel from above, will be lost, never to be found
Emotions left lying to rot on the cold, hard ground
The knife will have won
My life in pieces, without him my sun.

I now know what the feelings that I couldn’t describe
That were eating me up, destroying all I had left inside
What they were really about, I felt it too, the distance was awful, destructive and more
It was the essence of the feelings I choose to ignore.

He said he would always have a shoulder for me to cry onto
He would always be there; he would help me, guide me through
But how can I turn to him, when he and distance is the problem you see
The delusion is gone, I see I still do love him, but he just doesn’t love me.

And even if he does, I live under a different sun
I just want to get this over and done
I live in a different world, country, and place
Lit by your light, his wondrous grace

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