Demons

The cold feel of metal against my skull.
i hate you, i hate me, i hate all.
-You said no, i said yes-
Trembling fingers, gingerly toying with my life.
i hate- life; Breath.
No one is there,
Caring,
Loving. No one with mercy, or any thought
For anyone but themselves.
They have all gone away,
Scared by what they know i am,
And by all that i ever desired of them.
i hate them, too.
-You would stop me, perhaps, but you are not here:
i chased you away, unable to look me in the eyes, for you know what you see there.-
Anger,
Frustration,
Hate.
Boiling in my soul,
A witches brew, slowly stealing
My breath,
My heart.
My grip tightens, resolve
Lending strength to my will.
Will to release.
-i am on the brink, you cannot watch.-
Fear releases you of guilt, for now.
My silent prayers,
Fall on the deaf ears
Of my selfish gods of glory,
Who have never answered,
And now never will.
All i ever asked for was care.
But there was no one to hear my request,
There was no one who wanted to hear my request,
And i hate them all for it.
i am convinced, by the darkness,
That i am right, all right.
-You said i was wrong, but i am right.-
In your heart, you know it;
That is why you fear.
i replay our screams,
The anger. You lie asleep;
It is past midnight.
You are unaware, being blissfully in dreams- elsewhere.
Chill air through my open window.
A brief lucidity, a glimpse in my mind
Of true reality.
Normalcy scares me.
Not because of what it is,
But because of what it is not-
It is not peaceful slumber with you;
That is but a dream,
A part of my dreams,
Become a nightmare-
i awake to reality,
But not normalcy.
Normalcy has left me,
When you left me.
i scream,
But you do not hear it.
-You do not want to hear it;
You do not want to know where i am-
True hell, such as you have never known.
That is where i am.
Pass me by, now,
As you did once,
And will never do again.
i will never give you the chance to pass me by again.
The temptation seizes me,
Freedom a finger-width away.
But freedom scares me;
Breath remains.
i hate you. i also hate me.
Sudden,
Fierce,
Burning;
Physical pain. i fight
The temptation again.
My subconscious, battling
Demons,
Ghosts,
Freedom.
-You with your power keep me from freedom.
Would it hurt you, to know that i thought of you,
In this my final hour? i do not wish to hurt you,
Even my hate cannot overpower that.-
i cry, now, tears
Pouring down my cheeks,
Onto the piece of paper before me.
Words scribbled, as if written in blood:
DEAR WORLD,
I HATE YOU.
-You love where you are, i hate where you are;
Not in happiness, but in life,
As you have taken from me,
So now you live more freely.
i see my own words,
Mocking me.
Demonic words,
Hating me,
Inflicting pain.
The temptation comes again,
Screaming, sounding horribly like
A child in pain:
DO IT.
i stand on a cliff,
Move my finger, and fall,
Not ending.
You hear it, an explosion in the dark,
Awakening you out of a dream-turned-nightmare.
You scream, silently, suddenly knowing my pain.
You have caused that pain.
Now the demons have left me-
i am no longer their concern.
They turn to you,
Their voices crying to you in the dark;
You know they speak truth,
Even in their questions:
What have you done?
Who has the greater pain now?
-You live. Eternally,
You face my decision.
My life, forfeit, while yours continues.
i never lent you life-
i ever gave of myself, freely.
You left me alone,
Cold,
Empty.
My choice haunts you,
For you know that you have brought it on yourself.
You are not alone, yet
You are without me, and that alone grieves you.
As well it should.
-The demons in my mind ever spoke in your voice.-

by James Grengs

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