Didn'T Have A Voice

Being me
And being a poet I have always
And I mean always had a voice
And a sense of presence
Presence that made me stand out
Being with you
Made me loose myself
Made me question my identity
Made me question the very same things that made me who I am
The very things that made
The magnificent human being I am today
There where days I would stand in front of the mirror and not recognize
The girl standing in front of me
Suddenly she was ugly
Suddenly there were things missing and lacking in her
Daa I have always known I was not perfect and had flaws
But I loved and accepted myself together with my strengths and weaknesses
all of a sudden did my flaws bother me
I have always said to people and to myself true love is when u love and accept yourself together with your strengths and weaknesses
Then where did that me go?
That me that believed and actually lived by those words
Uphi?
Could I have lost her while being lost in your gaze
While being lost in your beauty and charm
Could I have lost her while focusing so much on the affection you gave me
the attention you gave me
Could I have lost her while trying to love you
But you were my mirror
You represented the me that was limping
the me that was wounded
The me that had a bleeding heart
You represented the me that once needed a savior but couldn't find one
At my time of need
Cause at my time of need everybody was so busy So busy that they couldn't notice this beautiful injured bird
I knew how it felt like to be in that situation
So I had to jump in and save you
after all I have been there before...
Yes It was good that I helped you
But I forgot about me in the process
Forgot about my own wound that was bleeding and needed my attention
I had forgotten to live 4 me
I forgot about my own smile
Cause I was so focused in your tears
I forgot about my own song
My own dance
Cause I was so focused on the aching sound that came from your voice
Funny thing is...
You drew from my strength and my confidence
As result you gained your own inner strength back
then you started having a bit of an ego
Suddenly that heroin that once saved you
And picked you up when u where down and out
wasn't so perfect
You were actually better than her
Suddenly she wasn't good enough for you
Infact you deserved better
Question is?
Hadn't been for her
you would be still be drowning and probably dead
Ungabonyela isihlahla ngoba uzosi dinga ngelinye ilanga
Don't ever take a dump under a tree that gave you shade and fruit to eat
Obviously after taking a dump you won't be able to stand the smell
And when the time of hunger and the need for shelter arises
you won't be able to go back to that very same tree
Remember I'm a tree in the wild
regardless of the storms and winds
I will bounce back
And those storms and winds
Will remove that rubbish you left there
And I will find my melody again
I will dance and show my beauty
like never before
Poem from a verbally and emotionally abused young woman: Vangile Mtyali
23 June 2014

by Vangile Mtyali

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