Butterflies & Daggers

I sit alone in my room
It's 3pm but feels more like midnight
A tear runs down my cheek touching the corner of my mouth
Should I leave it or wipe it away?
What's it matter another is sure to follow.

Why am I doing this?
Why does anyone do it?
There's a lump in my throat that just wont clear
A knot in my stomach thats been there for days.
Days? Maybe longer, maybe its never gone away.

Am I happy or miserable?
A halfhearted grin forms
I close my eyes
That's the thing about love
It's all gray.

You hear love should be easy
Why?
Something so blind has to hurt
It does, it might even break me one day.
Not this day... I'm too strong

I used to be more courageous
Before I had these scars
Can you see them?
I'm not that good at hiding
That's something I'm trying to work on

I'm talking crazy, biting the skin on my lips
I've told myself to stop but that's impossible
Thinking about you, where you're at what you're doing
You thought I meant the biting?
That too.

I feel foolish and wise still the same
My phone rings,
I don't know if I've moved that fast in days
It isn't you.
Why does that sting like a slap in the face?

Do you know if it's real?
I do
The painful dagger keeps me up at night
The butterflies when I picture you keeps me wanting more
It's not really love unless you feel it all.

It's 5: 00 now and the room is still empty
I can't believe Ive grown this much in just 2 hours
How?
I feel 10 feet tall
I appear to be the same but i'm different.

I loved you
I love you still, maybe more with every second
The real kind
Not the generic, on the surface love
It looks the same you know.

My heart is lighter now
It felt like a brick in my chest an hour ago
I think I'll leave the next move for you
Butterflies or daggers?
Both as long as it's love.

by Erica

Comments (10)

Hopkins describes a religious experience foreign to most of us. I would not judge the poet by this poem - so much of his work is replete with joy, reverence, and wisdom. Not to mention transcendent language. He is one of the greats. Listen!
For Christ's sake and for the sake of your own literary and mortal soul, read Hopkins' sonnet with an open mind! Put aside the nonsense promulgated by the likes of Straw, Blanes and Miss Garvey who seem determined to obscure the message of a powerful sonnet written for the likes of secular sinners like you and me! How many of us have felt the need to repent for the wromgs we have done to others, intended or not? Easter is always on the horizon for Christians! Even secular saints like Straw in all honesty mist acknowledge that! Hopkins' sonnet has nothing to do with self-flagellation the way some of you read it - a whipping of one's body with knotted ropes! It's more a recognition of our need to repent and take the punishment we deserve! Please take the time to read Father Hopkins' poetry in the spirit hw meant it, rather than the 21st century secular meaning!
@Jon Blanes, Is that a decision or a statement? Nick Kler
I have just joined the Poemhunter group and I am so disappointed in this offering. Gerard Manley Hopkins I do think, is a great poet and this one is generally left right out of the collections, I have never seen it before. I completely agree with the comments of contributors about masochism. Why was this featured> It is not Easter or anything near it, it is not a good poem and has to us rather suspect sentiments. And you could have chosen The Windhover, Pied Beauty, Binsey Poplars or actually just about anything else he wrote, all of which I hugely recommend to you readers. No, this is really going too far and a bit of a shakey start for me. Do look up GMH's stuff though, the Sprung Rhythm does work by the way, I think so.
The last line sums it all up. The peace of the Lord gives rest.Faith can move mountains.
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