Explanation

Goodness, Goodness
where do I start, where do I begin
My heart is 'just fine', pero mi corazon...
I put on such a seemingly brave front,
telling myself that God is enough.
if I endure he will heal all the hurt and pain.
and that if I keep my mouth shut and just
simply
obey,
then God will turn it around from my good one day.
So in reeling back my tongue,
and keeping my feelings to myself,
supposedly,
...somehow...
that will help.
But these sutyations & circumstances
have not changed yet.
There is no time for real feelings or conversations,
no time to laugh or smile. I'm given the silent treatment
or yelled at for taking the time to sit and talk for a while.
Its been so long since I have voiced...
and its been many times convincing myself
that this is my role and I shouldn't start.
So honestly, truthfully I am afraid.
Afraid that if I speak
this joy, passion and love
will mean nothing and fade away.
That just like my dreams, it will be too weird to give notice to, or be important.
But wait...
let me stop myself like all the time before.
My feelings aren't what is important.
You see thats how my mind works now.
This has become the norm,
but I can't rememeber how.
Ok, examin this,
how in the world does this make sense.
how is this right that my tears are silent @ and thru the night?
Yet through it all I feel the guilt,
the pressure of taking up the slack
that others have built.
And when I am overwhelmed, angry
and begin to resent.
I think 'where is love? '
and my anger descends.
My tears dry and what others have done is
ok.

(5th December 2006)

by Khauri Teverbaugh

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