I must get onto Facebook,
by Phil Soar
And share my every whim;
Tell people when I've had a shit,
Or just been down the Gym;
I'd open up my heart and soul,
And spread eternal joy;
And tell the world how much I wanked,
When I was just a boy.
Id fill my site with Happy Thoughts,
And even product placing,
I'd photograph the skid-marks,
On my pants that need replacing;
Each day I'd write a daily blog,
With banal thoughts and ditties,
Post photos of me on the bog,
And flaunt my manly titties.
I'd keep the world a-breasted,
About everything I'm doing,
I'd keep my page updated,
Whilst I'm sitting down and poo-ing;
MY LAPTOP resting on my lap,
That's how it got its name,
My finger rips the toilet paper,
Now that is a shame.
An accidental Fingering,
Whilst sitting on the Loo,
Not the sort of thing I'd share,
Will all the Facebook crew;
But someone sends a link to me,
That takes me somewhere crude,
A site of toilet paper holes,
And fingers brown and stewed.
I can't believe the sort of stuff,
That people share out there,
Who tells the world their every move? ,
Do people really care? ;
And, Do we need to know all that? ,
Our lives all stripped and bare,
With every move and the things we do,
Why feel the need to share? .
There are those who also twitter,
Their lives awash with Twits,
Sharing every thought they have,
And getting on our Tits;
From stars of stage, and sport and news,
And those who live alone,
Tweeting when they've woken up,
And lying there alone.
They've all got their own followers,
Like some religious cult,
Tweeting crap and talking shite,
And writing to insult;
The need to reach out daily,
To tell the world their news,
To txt, to tweet, words from the street,
And all their insane views.
On second thoughts, I will not join,
Or share my daily grind,
I'll leave it all to those of you,
Who are out of your mind,
You tell the world your secrets,
You share most every day,
With people you don't really know,
Who might live far away.
So if you are on Facebook,
Or hashtag your life on twitter,
I hope the words you share out there,
Don't end up I.T. Litter,
I Do declare, that I don't share,
My feelings, thoughts and deeds,
Or try to share my drivel,
Till my brain explodes and bleeds.