Failing As Father

Poem By Edgard Canales P

In silence I be going through a lot of sh*t
stressing praying for blessings
so everyday I take a hit,
Precious moments and many birthdays missed
honestly, it would never end if I was going down a list.
Feels like I'm failing as a father and I'm so confused
long distance so it's hard to keep up with both my daughters
someone pleeeease! tell me what to do.
Soon as the thought pops in my mind
my eyes water up cause of all the stress
I be having deep inside.
Can't sleep at night
instead I shiver and I shake
feels like every night I die in my sleep with every breath that I take.
Alone, I've walked many miles
so now I hardly ever smile
nothing but heart ache and pain felt since I was a child.
I try so much to be a good dad
a tear drops for every lost moment with you I wish I had.
Sad,
but all so true
biggest goal in life is to be there for both of you.
I love you both with my entire soul & all my heart
love everything about you, love the fact that your so smart.
Missing so much, so I'm scared cause kids grow quick
my biggest fear is that when you get older
you won't even have memories
of us you can go back to and reminisce.
Nataly & Miya please take your time to grow up
there will be a time for everything specially love.
Study hard and get some where in this life
you can do anything you set your mind to
use common sense to make right choices
remember the wrong ones always come with a price.
Take heed to good advice
if you feel near to your demise
pray for help and God will
make you rise.
No matter what anybody says or how you might think things are
every minute we are separated tares my soul apart.
I know it's hard being a single mother in this world
so I apologize from the bottom of my heart to the mother of both my little girls.
Critically I know
you both need help economically and physically
but pathetically I stay optimistically
knowing that geographically it's a fantasy.
Focused on a million dollars for my daughter's college plan
my way of making sure they will never have to beg no man.
Proud father but a dad I have yet to be
free but my hands are tied, still feel like the day they imprisoned me.
Feels like I'm failing as a father and I'm so confused
long distance so it's hard to keep up with both my daughters
someone pleeeease! tell me what to do.

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