(28th October 1971 / Glasgow, Scotland)

Feline Downtime

God created the cat
To be supple and lithe as an acrobat.
It could fit through a gap that was much too narrow
It could leap in the air to catch a sparrow
It could fall from a height and land on its feet
It didn’t need fed – it could catch its own meat
It had night-vision eyes to help hunt its prey
It had razor-sharp claws that folded away
But the cat wouldn’t try out these fancy new tools
It was too busy licking its family jewels.

One small adjustment and God’s work was done.
He went and glued sandpaper onto its tongue.

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Comments (2)

Really cute and apt. Having read this and 'pigeon', thought I'd mention my, well, it's my cousin's husband, not sure what that makes him, he recently published a 'bestiary', there's a whole literary tradition of 'em!
I liked this and the final punchline is good. Line 6 is incorrect: it should be 'it didn't need feeding' or 'it didn't need to be fed'. I'll charitably assume that was a typo. PS your poem assumes all cats are male. I have it on the best authority only 50% are male. And a significant proportion have been de-jewelled. Thus, they lick for other reasons. As we all would, could we but reach. Please come and read some of my efforts as we may share a similar sense of humour. Best wishes. Edna.