Finding Me

I sneak into the tail end of a conversation
I stare at their faces and then
It becomes clear that these strangers
Are never going to be my friends

Where am I?
How did I arrive
at a point in my life
where I have lost myself?

I walk around the poshly lit room
in high heels that kill my toes
I look at all the latest fashions they wear
and realize they can never be my own

I'm not the girl
who stands up and twirls
and expects the world
to see someone else

After a long night of awkward moments
I go home and let down my hair
I look at my reflection in the mirror
and wonder why I should care

I try to impress
in my new expensive dress
and I still have to confess
it's just not me

All the girls try to get me drunk
but I'd rather stay in control
So I have one or two and dance
to a song I clearly don't know

All that time they thought
I was one of their lot
but I know I'm not
and I don't want to be

trying new experiences, meeting new people
it's an exciting part of young life
But I know now that I'm not a party girl
a little calmer is the kind of fun I like

And I do not regret
the time I spent
the places I went
to truly find me

by Caroline Guedes

Other poems of GUEDES (48)

Comments (1)

Nice write. Reminded me of the end of my clubbing days. Without the heels.