Echo Of Regret

It is amazing to me
How we can know just how much something will hurt us,
Exactly how much it will break us,
Yet we still decide to walk the path.
It forms an addiction.
The irresistible urge to hold on pumps through my veins.
Seeking out the destruction of myself.
Searching for the next hit,
the next burn that will ultimitely lead to my notions of self conclusion.
Yet such as this has become my drug.
Consuming the soul that once smiled.
It is amazing to me
How much we can take before we break.
How much pain we will willingly dive into.
Such chaos has always been my course.
My salvation.
The only constant in my existense.
The only thing that can be relied upon.
I seek the destroyer.
I find the false hopes and securities comforting for i know within myself that i never truly hoped. I never truly believed, so therefore i can never truly be broken because i knew it all along.
I lock myself away.
Finding light in the darkness.
Comfort in the breakdown.
Peace in the chaos.
Because it is here and only here that i have learned my way around.
Memorized the twists and turns of this path.
I've walked it so many times before.
The crossroads always stand before me.
The darkest path always the one that is most appealing for i know it well.
The light frightens me.
For the path of the light has always led me back to the dark.
The echos of the past sing loud and clear.
The echos of regret.
Of betrayal.
Of heartache.
The rain continues to pour outside my window.
My eyes cast out upon the turmoil and my lips curve into a tight smile.
It is here that i know my way.
It is here that i am not lost.
It is here that i have become accostumed to the life i hate.
With my heart pleading for something more,
My head falls
My eyes cry
and my mind holds back from the risks it would take for me to ever become more than this storm.

by Leah Traylor

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