God Is Out To Lunch, Please Take A Number

I'm done hating You now.
I accept that which I cannot change
And acknowledge the self-infliction
I understand as much as I can
And do all that I need
Nothing stops hurting,
Hating You makes the walls of my denial stronger
But the pain is still ever-present
Popping up unexpectedly,
Like a guest to dinner that no one wants
That eats at my soul
Until all that I was
Is barely more than a memory
Waiting for my resurrection,
I cannot depend on You for aid
I cannot bear to ask
It is not my pride which prevents my submission
But the knowledge that acceptance does not solve
Just makes apparent
How can I numb this,
Ice my wound until all I feel
Is the irritating pangs of my regret
Which dull after time
Until I am little more
Than a shadow

by Amanda Saveley

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