**************aking Pakikibaka (My Struggle)

Once more beneath my struggling feet
the world turns -
and doomed atmosphere strikes
in a blinder flare................

Hot summer ' 87, my mother created a calendar kite
for me and it flew above our azure sky
facing against the furious wind
and there i had learned how to reach a dream

I knew the pressure of certain eldest son
as looking down with my four siblings so theatrical
under a shaky pillar of the basic unit of constitutional society
beneath a single roof of unstability

Often I read books on how to enter the world of achievers
by following mentally of those steps who have reached it
but a cancer cells of anxiety drowning in
the deepest sole of my feet that standing once
with too much expectations had drown near tumultous catastrophe

To be a Navy, to serve ones country, was my fragile priority
Influenced by naval cinematic features in encyclopedic photography
and that ghostly images turned into an attorney-at-law
a child-like impression when my youthful brain talked loosely
like a medieval sophies and taking up Journalism course
was a gamble pre-requisite into that turning-doom unsolicited
disposition

The smoky mind of curiousity was bloming
shifting gear to the realm of new fresh desire
where interest in political theorist, government structural studies
intertwined like playing games in debates, speeches and the like
the springboard for my salivary glands of eagerness

Nobody can stop the rapid brain explosions at that time
even the critics wine of all wisdom bestowers of mine
until the stupid dreamer started to howl, conceiving the bitter ending
though in the middle yet of defeating waves
my visions became blurry and gradually blinding

It was the worsiest fall in my historical existence however
it was the best pondering moment to recall when spiritual calling
mingling over my heart, a Divine intervention directly from
omnipotent hand from above, I felt to be an obedient sheep
and no single complain while heading inside evangelical ministry

Almost 3 years quarantine-like dormitory experiences
in preparing of in all aspects for soul-saving upcoming duties
A great total surrender including my mundane pleasure, my instinct pain

However for a long time of sacrificing for that Godly task
I felt unsayable concrete burden weighting inside my whole being
without fear nor to express out of sour-graping alibis

In combating my day to day battle expenses
I had unexpected shortage in figurative fuels aid
I pressured not the obligation of my underpledged supporters
greatly ruined by the sudden global economic handicapped

I didn't blame them that they hurtilly affect my Godly calling
and tragically cutting down bit by bit
until I lost the last full grip, painstakingly carried away
by an anonymous current that swifted me to nowhere

Forlorn idealist I became momentarily
deceptive ideological utopia i had learned
leading back to my struggling feet to where I had been spinning
in the jungle not to where subversive guerillas sprouting
but in main city streets, armless, groaning human rights justice
shouting to revive democracy, marching to resurrect decaying society
as freedom pro-constitutionalist fighter against
EDSA 2 elite minority revolutionists in a de facto Phils. government

The aggressive- grown man reminiscing the burning desire
completely finished AB Political Science
as a consistent academic scholar while secretively
organizing the once SEC Polscians League For Solidarity Inc.
by the founder-prime minister, the self-proclaimed parliamentary
obssessed, by the self-proposed by-laws, by the 'me',
the ' I ' with broken puzzled wings forcibly to fly

I had penned down various socio-political commentaries
in free-verse poetry style and published by local, national
and worldwide web circulations
patching up my unmet needs, by stomach and by pocket
then my aching desirable mind, my burren temperament,
my critics heart circle, merging at last!

I am no longer a mediocre fellow as many think of
that once they thought as empty head tiresome talkative

Poverty pushed me to explore the other side of the world
as I smell the dollar-earning job longing landward
a time to eject my false-hope idealism dogmas
Abandon poverty! Abandon hunger! suck the trend western
aroma economy by winking magical TESDA training skills
I was armored then with swedish massage and automotive servicing

Hitting abroad, seeking green pastures my top priority
ignoring my pride my theoritical head capability
but misfortune whirled against my shifting destiny
for almost 5 years in waiting, I had been longing already for nothing
the sweet Hongkong, Japan, Dubai agency, and the last for Europe
yes I had touched them down, no placement fees in global map
Goodbye future OFW hero to be
Goddbye wet and dry kisses for the falling snow in the cold country

My newly-wed wife now personally interferes me with disgust
along my tropical winding road in life
For the sake of our incoming baby's birth future
for the every kick response of our fetus inside her womb
that really reminds me at all, ' Papa, don't wait sudden luck,
waiting your luck is simply waiting your death.'

Mine eyes are opened wide today
as the arm institution with collegiate arcades
welcoming back my transcript of records i keep
for a Social Arts professor to be - a late bloomer's goal
disguising indespensably with God's grace definitely
a gift for me from now on and beyond

O countless hindrances and seems endless hardships
where shattered dreamer Like me scanning first
Nothing is to be worried, nothing is in vain
every step that I take intuitively
the failured pasts, the lonesome moments
they're packed now in one voluminous pages of my
inspiring anthology
sooner or later, this will be in the public hands
read by struggling intelectuals and book lovers around

I've learned then that in reaching out chief definite goal in life
is a lifetime journey
the doomed atmosphere that strikes along your way is nothing
as the ordinary living dusts whirling around your corner

Never quit to dream, never cease to struggle
in achieving your plans that you believe you can...........

Inculcate this line:
The modern great civilizations today are the mere visions
of our ancient crank dreamers of yesterdays!



- by rommel mark jetfellow dominguez marchan
copyright 2009 PHILIPPINES

title inspired by ADOLF HITLER, his book THE MEIN KAPHF
(my struggle)

by Rommel Mark Dominguez Marchan

Comments (3)

Do you think if he said his prayers every night it might help? He probably has that 'hound dog' look too. Bless him. Love Ernestine XXX
I really like your clever style
Sounds like a mistaken hellhound and a few people i know as well