JL (March 19,1994 / California)

Goodbye In A Dream

once I had I dream on a day just like this one
of a girl that I knew in some other life
I passed her on the street one day and I asked if she remembered me
she looked at me like I was crazy and went on her way...goodbye
but I know her, I remember her, I’m aware of her existence
and she takes me to a place that’s so familiar to me
her house has bay windows and her room smells like the ocean
everything is white and fragrant and clean
maybe she has turned now into someone more adventurous
she might not stand silently the way that she used to
she talks and laughs and smiles and goes to people’s parties
and when I follow her she frowns at me and I don’t know what to do
she wears long dresses and looks so beautiful
as she glows in hues of lavender and pink
but it’s frightening to know that she is so far over the rainbow
and so captivated by what others might think
she lives an easy life but lives through her reflection
so I envy her and pity her and chase her like a ghost
she doesn’t understand why I always watch over her
although she has forgotten she’s the one who gave me the most
now I stand and watch her from the sidelines of a memory
but I can’t use it to find my way back into her heart
I can imagine her future being a glorious one
it’s so sad someone had told her that we needed to part
she listens to the voices that simply speak the loudest
it doesn’t matter to her which are right and which are wrong
she walks alone and lets the swiftest hand guide her
she hasn’t taken a different path for so long
I study her as she does things to see who she is
coffee shops and clothing stores line up in her mind
she speeds through every day in search of something
but she never leaves with what she came to find
there’s not much that you can do to make her say she loves something
she’d rather stare and let her favorite things fade away
she doesn’t like emotions and she’s sure she doesn’t need them
her smiles are so empty day after day
I never thought she’d be someone who doesn’t believe in magic
with every second she gets older and still doesn’t understand
right in front of her I am always here
and I am always reaching out to take her hand
I thought that we would grow up together
now I know that it probably wasn’t meant to be
I know that it’s wrong for me to try to change it
but in this case I am an enemy of probability
I hope that if I died she would eventually know
I hope that she would think about all the good things
and remember those summer days we spent together
and the nights when we talked in the middle of spring
the secrets we shared have stayed with me forever
no one could make them disappear
the silly things we would laugh about over and over
stayed with me through all of these years
so I call to her softly to see if she’ll come
but I haven’t heard anything yet
she is the difference between wanting too much
and wanting what I can’t get
once I had I dream on a day just like this one
of a girl that I knew in some other life
I passed her on the street one day and I asked if she remembered me
she looked at me sadly and went on her way...goodbye

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Langston Hughes

Dreams

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