(21-01-2003 / Odisha, India)
The sun once gets blind,
And shelters behind the mountains,
With valleys of colored clouds.
by Saheb Mohapatra
Other poems of MOHAPATRA (62)
If The One I Love Goes Before My Eyes...
Tears Of Joy
Mohammed Asim Nehal
28 Oct 2015 09:18
Nice imagery of setting sun, Liked it.
26 Oct 2015 08:04
another point could be the 'kigo'.. There is not a true kigo in your write, but that is not a real problem.. also a tiny minority of japanese classical haiku don't express a kigo.. Your write is nice, but if you want to label it as ''HAIKU'' then you have to respect the haiku rules.. ;) Cheers
26 Oct 2015 08:01
sorry, Saheb, but if you want to write a haiku, you need to respect the haiku structure.. from the syllabic point of view, your write doen't respect the 5-7-5 scheme. Then, you should enhance the contraposition between the 2 images of the world/nature/environment.. Let's say a 'oh! ' - a subtle wonder, before the beauty/mystery of nature.. You also could use a 'dash' as a kireji to separate the two different 'ideas' / images.. Blessings
* Sunprincess *
12 Aug 2015 11:48
............very nice poem with beautiful imagery ★
17 Nov 2014 09:58
Beautiful haiku on dusk! A great attempt Saheb!