Handy Man

If you have a problem, then come and see me.
I might be able to solve it for a small fee.
If you need a plumber, then I'm your man,
you'll be better off, than drip's in a can.
I am Jack of all Trades, and master of many.
I go by the nick name of 'Any Job Benny'
If you need an electrician, just look this way,
I'll rewire your house, at a good rate of pay.
If you want a gardener to mow that lawn,
then shut the dog up, I'll be there at dawn.
I'll trim your hedge and tidy the yard,
but I have a bad back, so don't make it too hard.
If there's a job on the roof, I'll tackle that too
but when it comes to laying bricks, I haven't a clue.
I work at a pace, because I have a bad back,
don' t ask me to remove rubble, I just can't get the knack.
I'll mend your guttering, replace old for new,
and I'll even take the diapers, from your blocked up loo.
Now I don't clean cesspits, because of the smell,
because when I go home my wife gives me hell.
If you need to be fumigated, I charge double time,
first for the dirt and second for the grime.
I charge an hourly rate, with vat fee on top,
but if it's paid in cash the vat I'll drop.
I am my own boss, no others do I employ,
I am a very good worker, not a cowboy.
'Madam the paint on your door looks a very rough job,
It looks like the trademark of Builder Bob!

by sylvia spencer

Comments (3)

What would we do without them. Wonderful story to read. Classic. Love Ernestine XXX
I don't know of any town in the world who doesn't have this kind of handy man - - if they are lucky! ! Love the lightheartedness of this poem, dear Rosie. You have such a jolly outlook, and I enjoy it so....Scarlett New Granny Treat
I have met men like this and I have been a man like this.This is so light hearted.Brilliant fun.Thankyou so much.Love Duncan