MB ( / )

He Changed Me For The Better

At first I thought it was a punishment
I thought it was a curse
But it wasn't
He paved my way
He prepared me to be a better woman
It was a blessing in disguise
He changed me for the better

I was the kind of girl who would do anything for a guy
I would sacrifice time with my baby boy for a guy
I would cancel an appointment with family members for this guy
I would spent my last money on this guy
I would jump electric fences for this guy
I would wake up at midnight and leave my son alone for this guy
I would not talk to my family because of this guy
Nothing mattered except him
I thought I was nothing without him
My world revolved around him
He meant the world to me
He was my everything

Just like everyone else he has his mistakes
He had his good and bad side
He made me smile all day at work
The thought of him made me realise how lucky I was
Until the day I saw his true colours
Until the day I asked myself is/was this really worth it?
Until the day I knew the real him
Then I realised I made the biggest mistake
The mistake that I will regret for the rest of my life
The mistake that I do no wish for another woman to make
Damn it was bad

I found him with another girl
In a house that I have just cleaned
In a bed that my son and I sleeps in
They were madly in love
They were all happy
The woman wore my pyjamas
Confidently so she smiled when she saw me
She laughed at me like I was mad or stupid
They both were happy
He did not care that I saw them
Infact he was proud
Proud that he can have any woman he wanted
Proud that he was Bhuti Madliza
I walked away deeply hurt
Did he care? No
He paved his way back into my life
Me being me I accepted him back
I forgave him
I accepted the apology I never received from him
That is the day I realised I was strong
Strong enough that it did not hurt anymore
Strong enough that anything that hurts no longer hurt me
I would just look and smile
Hell yes He changed me
He changed me for the better

He blew his second chance
Should I say second chance or rather chances?
Chances that I lost count of all the bad things he did
Again I found him with a different girl
They kissed and hugged in front of me
He called her "baby" in my presence
One of the days I will never forget
The day I almost killed him
I was ready to step him to death
Then I realised he was not worth it
I cried my lungs out
But then my perspective changed
My thinking changed
Everything I thought of him changed
Of course I still loved the guy
But I waked away

I changed for the better since that day
I enrolled with higher education for my diploma
I started writing (poems)
I spent time with my baby boy and my family
I made friends
I shared my story
Then started healing
I made peace with everything
I came to realisation that I cannot change him
That the only person I have control over is myself
I started living my life
My life without him
My life without him threatening my peace of mind
I started loving me more
I appreciated myself even more
And today I'M proud to say
I made it without him
Yes He changed me

by Mologadi Bongi

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