He Said No

i asked him did he love me he said yes,
asked, did he want to have a baby..yes
did he want to call him Jamie and again yes.


he asked me did i feel it was working, i said yes
would i marry him..yes
did i want to make it work for the kids and again yes.

i asked him was she worth it he said yes
i asked him did he love the kids..yes
, , , , , ,
.........
, , , , , , , , , , , ,
i then asked him was he ever coming back?


he said casually, no.

by SarahLouise Malone

Other poems of MALONE (13)

Comments (2)

Wow...thats was wow...thats all I can say about that...
wow, awesome economy of words, felt like 90% of the poem was all in my head between the lines, few poems can create that type of interface, bravo. If I may, perhaps to even monoploise further on its economy, some words may not even have to be repeated to retain cogency. i asked did he love me, he said yes, did he want to have a baby..yes did he want to call him Jamie, again yes. (the shift from 3rd to 2nd person in this line threw me a bit but if it was intentional, I would be most interested in your rationale, I almost want to say it does sound better in the 2nd person, but is it to achieve something i'm missing here...also, i think the and before the again breaks flow while just the 'again' still retains meaning) he asked me did i feel it was working, i said yes would i marry him..yes did i want to make it work for the kids again yes. i asked him was she worth ('it' i beleive that wa just an ommision when posting the poem) he said yes did he love(need a T) he kids..yes , , , , , , ......... , , , , , , , , , , , , was he ever coming back? (or to set it apart furher as unique, maybe 'I then asked him' but the 'i asked him' I think downplays the POP you want the line to give) ? ? he casually(maybe 'casually, he said...no' making the reader pause via a, after casually will put so much more power into the incepid connoation this indifference in such an answer represents, i think.) said..no. great stuff, please, i would love to hear what you think about the comments as the simple dialouge will lead to a deeper undrstanding of the poem for myself, not being the author, cheers!