Hopeless Romantic

Poem By Biscuit Collection

I wondered when the hurting would stop. I wondered how long I could keep on being like this. Pain is something I could very well live without. I don’t know. But maybe, it’s just me. I keep on reminiscing things, which I could well be off forgetting. But leaving behind things, which have given me reasons to go on, well, that’s yet another story. Letting go is difficult. Especially, if what you’re letting go is something you may not want to live without.

Today, I’ve come to realize that memories may be forgotten, a lot of things shared may be, well, pushed aside… but no matter how hard I try, I would never be able to erase the pain, the hurting, and the love that was lost. To forget his face, his voice, our moments together, that’s easy coz’ it takes time. Believe me. But to forget just what he meant, just what our memories meant to me… now, that’s different. Remember that.

I couldn’t quite remember now the day we really got along… or even our happiest times. It was all so far away now. Slowly, these memories fade. But the pain will never cease. I would never be free of the misery. Everyday, I know, I would be thinking of him and wondering. Sleepless nights would still pass by. And there will be moments when I would still cry. `Coz time would never ease the hurting or ever wipe away this love I had for him. Time just merely erases the memories but it could never take away true love denied.

Love is fair. Now, who the hell said that? He must never have loved. Maybe, not as much as I did. `Coz love for me was never fair. When the pain just gets so hard to bear, I would often break down and cry my heart out. And during this time, only one thought would surface – it’s so unfair. And it is. I had loved much more than I ever thought I could. I was loving too much, but he didn’t even realize a thing. Even now, as I hurt, it would still remain unknown. He would still do the things he used to do. And he would never have the slightest idea that somewhere, through this night, someone is fighting off the pain and hurting that loving him has caused.

Ten years from now, I would have forgotten all these memories. I would have put aside these moments. At this point, I’ve no idea what I would become or where I would be by then. But ten years from now, I know, I would still hurt. Ten years from now, I would still be wondering. Ten years from now, and maybe, years more after that, I know - I’d still be loving him.

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Other poems of COLLECTION

Last Goodbye

I guess there’s nothing more to say now
Everything’s been said and done
All’s past now and nothing
Could ever make this right again

The Hunt

I made something for him. I planned it to be some sort of a sweet surprise. I expected him to be, at least, happy. But I guess he found the whole idea crazy. And it hurts so much. I had been planning this for weeks and I really thought this would somehow touch him. But I was wrong.

He never knew I was hurt. I never had that strength to tell him so. I couldn’t blame him for thinking this was crazy. It was, anyway, just a game I made up, for all he cared. He never knew I spent weeks creating this crazy idea. He never knew I was serious about this either. But I was.

Starting Over

Today, as I start anew
I leave the past behind.
Every memory, every moment
Remains but distant past.

Thoughts

It’s my best time of the year. Everything seems to be in place.. well, almost everything except one – myself. Everything has changed. And I guess I’m seeing things a whole lot differently from when I was younger. But this new life, this new love, these changes couldn’t quite satisfy me. I seem to still want something I know not what. And even if I try hard to ignore this emptiness, I am still not able to overcome the pain that’s inside of me. Day by day, I exist with one thought, “happiness is what’s in front of me… I only have to open my eyes to see, ” hoping that somehow I’d understand. Easier said than done. The more I try to open my eyes the more I did not want to see. It’s enough for me to know and see once. I need not have to see again and again, for every day of my life. Torture. Each day finds a new way to torment me. And I haven’t changed one bit, in heart and soul. Not one bit, except that I’m much stronger now and much much more wiser. Faith and courage is what keeps me.

Life had always been beautiful and kind. In spite of all the pain, in spite of all the emptiness I would still choose to go on, even if only for being alive itself. I’ve been blessed with so much of what life has to offer. A good mind, good heart, good family, friends, love, education but still, it doesn’t seem to fill in the emptiness. Life is not perfect – never was and never will. I did not want it to either. All I ever wanted was all I could never have, all I could never be. Sadly. I, of all people, was never perfect. I am imperfect in every way. But I do not yearn for perfection, only completeness.

Heart Aches

Well, nothing’s changed. I’m still me. That’s a good thing, I guess. Permanence is one uncertainty that I should have to deal with for the rest of my life. And Love. Was it ever permanent? I shouldn’t say so. Coz if it was, then maybe things would somehow be different.

I never understood love either. What’s up with love anyway? We have to admit, It does make you do crazy things...you think about how fat you are or how thin you are… what you would wear to impress him…what you’d say when he talks to you…you think of him everyday, every second, every moment… darn this! And the saddest part of it is – it hurts people…not just yourself…and it hurts like no other.